A tip for those of you trying out sexual accoutrements for the first, second or 75th time: When the fun is over, search deep within yourself to ascertain that none of the fun has been left behind. Because some things, cock rings especially, can stay with you far longer than you’d think. Even longer than a month.
For one woman, this holiday season has already brought one miracle: The realization that whatever horrifying things were coming out of her vagina were not caused by cancer or an STD, but by a neglected cock ring, sad, alone, and full of germs that she’d forgotten to take out of her vagina. Or, I guess, that she never knew was in her vagina in the first place. And apparently it was so far up there that she couldn’t even feel it until it started rotting and releasing a putrid white discharge from her vaginal orifice. This is her story, via Reddit:
We were fooling around with my boyfriend and he started fingering me. Suddenly he goes like “uhhh.. ummm.. Is this normal?” And asked me to feel it by myself.
I almost peed myself from fear. I couldn’t understand for the life of me what was this thing inside of me. I actually was feeling the opening of the cock ring.. When not stretched its diameter can perfectly fit a finger.
I thought it was my fucking cervix. I though it inflamed and fell down or something. I started to panic. You see, the cock ring it soft and pliable, but firmer than anything that could be inside me.
First of all, that is pretty much the scariest thing that could happen during sex with the one you love. I’d like to think that if my partner and I were engaging in a pleasurable sexual exchange he’d have the decency to wait until after we were done to point out any polyps or growths, but some people just don’t know what appropriate boundaries are. One point to this woman’s boyfriend for being caring; minus one point for freaking her out during sex. Sex is already all weird and pressur-ey, you know? I’m so focused on keeping my stomach held in the entire time that I can’t even imagine what it would look like if I suddenly got frightened? (I wish there was some kind of invisible girdle you could wear during sex. I would buy such girld.e )
Then I remembered. Flashback to Halloween. We got shipped this set of 5 cock rings. It was funny and exciting. We were giggling all the way from the post office. And of course we immediately decided to try them out.
My SO put on two at the same time. And it began. Fun and giggles.. And suddenly his roommate came home. We scrambled and in the haste of things not me, not my SO noticed that one ring was missing.
Pro-tip: don’t put two of those things on at the same time. It will not enhance pleasure. Source: experience. Since condoms were covered by his flex spending at the time, we bought like 40 packs and then tried to use them all. Yes, you can buy the ones with the vibrating rings with flex spending! No, you can’t buy a defibrillator — he had to return that. I was kind of sad because I like making grilled cheese sandwiches.
Here’s what this woman’s cock ring looked like when it went into her vagina:
And here’s what she says it looked like when it came out:
So when I finally and fearfully pulled that thing out it was fucking disgusting. It was sort of transparent. When we bought it it was fucking PURPLE. It was covered and filled with this white discharge. Like mayo or liquefied cottage. Blech. Gross as fuck. To my surprise the smell was OK. Not bad, just neutral.
But don’t take her word for it. There is, of course, a photo:
There are some things to be taken away from this story. First, “listen to your body” because your body talks (according to Olivia Newton-John, at least); second, “count what goes in and out of your body.” That’s pretty sound advice. It’s like in preschool where you have to make sure all the blocks are in the right spaces before you can go out for recess, except this is more like “make sure there’s nothing so deep in you that you can’t even feel it before you go into the other room to play Xbox or fall asleep.”
South Korea is all set to erect a 30-foot Christmas tree on its border with North Korea, apparently to pray for peace in the region.
Starting December 23rd, the tree will stay in place for a fortnight, after which it will be dismantled.
While there is no news of any reaction from Pyongyang, there is little doubt that the atheist state will not look too kindly upon this move by its southern neighbor.
And for the North Korean regime, this move is sure to bring back memories of the 65-foot tower that the South Koreans had set up in 1971 and later converted into a Christmas tree. The north had claimed that the tower was a “provocative display of psychological warfare.”
Practicing religion is not without its risks in the north, and celebrating Christmas can land one in jail, or worse.
And the last thing that a North Korean wants is to get caught with leaflets containing Biblical verses, which the south airdrops every now and then, or to be caught admiring a giant Christmas tree on the other side of the border.
A mother with a history of drug abuse is accused of taking and selling nude photos of her grade school-aged child.
In March, a relative discovered nude photographs of the child on the child’s Nintendo DSI, according to a search warrant affidavit. Three days later, the child was interviewed by the Division of Child and Family Services and told a caseworker that McCabe had taken “loads” of pictures of the child “without any clothes on,” the affidavit states.
The child told investigators that the “mother would then show the pictures to men,” according to the affidavit. The child also said the mother “printed the pictures and sold them to people for $100,” another court document states.
The Nintendo was turned over to the Garland City Police Department, which turned it over to the Box Elder County Sheriff’s Office in November. A total of 19 pornographic pictures were found on the Nintendo, police said.
McCabe was interviewed by detectives on Nov. 26. She told investigators she took pictures of her child’s genitals to show the child “what it looks like,” then declined to answer other questions about the photos, a detective wrote.
According to court records, she pleaded guilty in April to drug possession, a third-degree felony, attempted child endangerment and possession of drug paraphernalia.
In May, McCabe was given a suspended prison sentenced and placed on 36 months of probation. As part of her probation she was ordered to undergo drug addiction treatment.
In that case, the Box Elder County Sheriff’s Office served a search warrant on McCabe’s residence in Garland and found “a complete drug kit, including syringes and meth” in the bathroom, according to a probable cause statement filed in 1st District Court.
Meth was also located in a drawer of a computer stand in the living room, according to court documents. A child was found sleeping on a couch next to the stand. It was not known if it was the same child who is the alleged victim in the current sexual exploitation case.
After her arrest on the new charges, a judge found her in violation of her probation and ordered her held in the Box Elder County Jail pending her next hearing.
McCabe also pleaded guilty to two counts of attempted endangerment of a child or elderly adult and possession of drug paraphernalia in 2010. She was ordered at that time to complete drug and mental health treatment. Six months after she was sentenced, McCabe was found to be in violation of her probation, according to court records.
In 2009, a man took out a protective order against McCabe for an undisclosed reason, according to court records. In 2006, she was convicted of child abuse and placed on 36 months probation and ordered to undergo random drug testing as well as complete drug and mental health treatment. McCabe was also ordered to complete a parenting class. Six months later she was found to be in violation of her probation.
With most of us having to replace light-bulbs every few months, it’s amazing that the Centennial Light-Bulb at Fire Station No. 6 in Livermore, California, has been burning continuously ever since 1901.
The exact date the centennial bulb was turned on is unknown, although its birthday is usually celebrated on June 18. However, we do know that it has been alight 24 hours a day since then, shining a dim light over the fire engines. Apart from the few power outages it has faced in the last 113 years, the unbreakable light-bulb has only had two breaks – one in 1976, when it was moved from one fire station and installed in another, and one in 2013, when it was off for 9 3.4 hours. When the bulb was moved, almost 40 years ago, people were so cautious not to break it that they severed the cord, instead of unscrewing it, and transferred it with a full police and fire truck escort. The whole business lasted just 22 minutes, after which it was back to business as usual.
The impressive light-bulb is apparently an improved hand-blown incandescent lamp with carbon filament. Debora Katz, a physicist at the US Naval Academy in Annapolis, Md., has conducted extensive research on the centennial light-bulb and what makes it so special, using a vintage light bulb from Shelby Electric Co. that is a near replica of the Livermore lamp. “The Livermore light bulb differs from a contemporary incandescent bulb in two ways,” says Katz. “First its filament is about eight times thicker than a contemporary bulb. Second, the filament is a semiconductor, most likely made of carbon. When a conductor gets hotter, its ability to conduct electricity goes down. When the Shelby bulb gets hotter, it becomes a better conductor of electricity.”