Stephen Woytack Killed By Falling Headstone While Decorating Family Grave


Police say Stephen Woytack, 74, was killed by a falling headstone as he and his wife were decorating a family gravesite for Easter.

headstoneAccording to a caretaker at St. Joseph’s Cemetery, Woytack and his wife travel from Scranton every year to decorate his mother-in law’s gravesite for Easter.

“They tie a cross to it every year,” said Ed Kubilus. “And after they’re done tying the cross, they stand there and say prayers and they leave.”

But this recent visit would be Stephen’s last. Throop police say that Woytack’s wife was tying a string to the headstone when it fell, landing on Woytack as he was kneeling on the other side.

Kubilus says the headstone probably fell because when the ground begins to thaw in the spring, some of the bases tilt and the stones on top can topple off.

Bishop Joseph Bambera of the Diocese of Scranton released this statement, seemingly surprised that anything tragic could happen around a holiday in which people celebrate a zombie crawling out of a tomb after dying nailed to a tree:

“It is unimaginable to think that a visit of a faithful couple to the grave of loved ones in anticipation of the celebration of Easter could have ended in such a tragic manner. Our thoughts and prayers are with the deceased and his family.”

Woytack will be buried in the same cemetery he was killed, in a plot directly in front of the headstone that killed him.

Woman, 38, Flashes Google Street View Camera, Checks Off Item On Her Bucket List


465googWhen a Google Street View car began mapping her neighborhood in January, Australian Karen Davis, of course, pulled up her shirt and exposed her sizable breasts to the passing camera.

But before the photos were uploaded, Google’s powerful algorithms triggered the pixelating of aspects of the images, such as the faces of individuals and license plate numbers.

However, as seen above, the 38-year-old Davis’s breasts, however, received no such touch up (click here for the full Street View image).

“I look at Google Maps a lot and I wanted to be on there and I thought this is the way to do it,” Davis told the Port Pirie Recorder, her local newspaper. “I got to tick something else off my bucket list.”

Davis dismissed criticism of her flashing as the jealous wails of the less pendulous. “All the flat-tittie chicks think I am disgusting,” said Davis (who is hoping that Google will send her a free t-shirt).

As of this morning, Davis’s topless shot remains unaltered on Street View.

Drunk Frenchman attempts to resuscitate ‘dying’ rubber dinghy


A drunk young man in France tried to resuscitate a rubber dinghy in a shipyard which he believed was a individual who was about to die.

imagesFrench police officers identified the 22-year-old behaving strangely in the early hours of Sunday in the shipyard in Vannes in Brittany, close to an region which homes numerous nightclubs and late-evening bars.

“He was underneath a boat, on his knees, attempting to resuscitate a rubber dinghy,” police told Le Télégramme de Brest newspaper.

The would-be hero had referred to as emergency solutions and told them to rush an ambulance to the website prior to he set about his personal rescue attempt.

He told the officers that the “victim” was not responding and necessary to be saved. He had been carrying out cardio pulmonary resuscitation (CPR) to revive him.

Police ordered the ambulance to return to base. Seeing that the young man was extra in require of aid than the dinghy, they took him into custody and, following he was examined by a medical professional, placed him overnight in a drunk cell.

Our editors found this article on this site using Google and regenerated it for our readers.

5th Grader Expelled For Pimping Classmates For “$3 Kisses And $2 Hugs”


An 11-year-old elementary school 5th grader has been expelled for running “quite a business” during his school day hours.

image63The young man comes from a family with many financial troubles. His parents, who were reportedly on welfare. With his family’s future in mind, the young boy managed to convince 8 of his female classmates to kiss and hug boys for money.

The principal said, “He was running this business of exploiting his young female classmates for nearly 3 months before getting caught. We became suspicious that something was going on, when lunch attendance began to dwindle. We have had 27 boys and 5 girls come forward admitting they were paying this “wanna be pimp” $3 for a 10 second make out session and $2 for a 15 second hug which included unnecessary groping. The 8 female children he recruited, never got a red cent.”

Authorities estimate that the young man made out with nearly $500 in three months, with many of the other children being “repeat customers.”

Authorities have questioned the parents, but they adamantly deny any involvement in their son’s actions.

The Sheriff’s Department is seeking to press charges on the young man’s parents. Those charges include 32 counts of solicitation of a minor, child endangerment and child neglect

Jury Convicts Michigan Woman For “Bacon Rage” Shooting At McDonald’s Drive-Thru Window


A jury today found a Michigan woman guilty of firing a shot into a McDonald’s drive-thru window after employees failed to put bacon on a cheeseburger she ordered.

shanekamoniquetorresShaneka Monique Torres, 30, was convicted of a felony firearms charge after only an hour of deliberations by the panel. Torres, seen at right, faces a minimum of two years in state prison when she is sentenced next month.

Torres fired a single shot into the McDonald’s at 3:10 AM last February 10,according to Grand Rapids police. The gunplay came after Torres and another woman “complained that the order was incorrect,” cops noted.

When a McDonald’s employee walked away from the drive-thru window, “one shot was fired from the suspect vehicle,” reported police, who added that the bullet entered the eatery at “head level” and “traveled through the window, across the dining room, and exited the restaurant through another window on the east side of the restaurant.”

Shortly after the shooting–which did not result in any injuries–cops located Torres and recovered the 9mm Glock handgun used during the bacon rage incident.

Man, 58, Hospitalized After Devouring Teen Daughter’s Pot Brownies


A Michigan man who thought he was having a stroke was hospitalized this week after eating several pot brownies that were baked by his teenage daughter, police report.

browniesf1The 58-year-old victim consumed the brownies Wednesday night in his suburban Detroit home after finding the baked goods on a kitchen counter.

The victim’s 17-year-old daughter told cops that she left the brownies out because she did not think anyone in her family would touch them (the girl was apparently unaware of the deep affinity middle-age men have to such unattended sweets).

The brownies–which the teenager prepared with marijuana provided by a friend–were seized for analysis by Oakland County Sheriff’s Office deputies.

Investigators are considering filing criminal charges againt the girl, a high school student whose name was not released by cops. Her father was treated at an area hospital and later released.



Venezuelan model Aleira Avendaño wears a corset 23 hours a day in order to maintain a 20-inch waist. She’s worn an organ-crashing corset for 23 hours a day for the past six years, only taking it off to bathe.

Aside from her waist, Avendaño has reconstructed her nose, mouth, butt, and breasts, which took three separate augmentations in order to get her to a 34DD.

In an interview with Barcroft TV, the brunette model explained, “I wash myself and rest for an hour and then I put it on again… At first, it was terrible, then I got used to it, and the belt became a necessity.”