Finland’s Upcoming Series Of Homoerotic Postage Stamps

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The late graphic artist Tom of Finland, born Touko Laaksonen, is about to become further cemented as an icon for his contributions to gay art and history thanks to a new a series of stamps.

The work of Tom of Finland is both monumentally significant and long-standing.

The stamps are slated to be released in September 2014 by the Finnish postal service, Itella Posti Oy.

According to the Itella Posti Oy:

His emphatically masculine homoerotic drawings have attained iconic status in their genre and had an influence on, for instance, pop culture and fashion. In his works, Tom of Finland utilized the self-irony and humor typical of subcultures. During his career, Tom of Finland produced more than 3,500 drawings… The drawings on the stamp sheet represent strong and confident male figures typical of their designer.

Want to learn more about Tom of Finland? Check out this tour of an exhibition of his work at the Museum of Contemporary Art in West Hollywood.

Cops find loaded gun in Tennessee woman’s vagina

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pistol24n-1-webThat’s no place to pack a pistol.

A Tennessee woman being booked for driving with a suspended license was slapped with weapons charges after cops found a loaded gun in her vagina, The Smoking Gun reported.

Dallas Archer, 19, was arrested at around 3:15 p.m. Monday and brought to Kingsport jail, where cops found the tiny gun concealed in her private parts, cops said.

A female cop was performing a routine search when she noticed an “unknown object” in Archer’s groin.

She and another female officer then took the blond perp into the bathroom, where they discovered the 4-inch North American Arms 22LR revolver.

Police said the $250 gun originally belonged to John Souther, a retired car salesman from Kingsport.

Shoplifter asks police to watch stolen bike

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Mark_Thomas_DensmoreDeKalb County police say a man who they arrested for shoplifting asked them to watch a bike he stole.

Mark Densmore was arrested for shoplifting at a Walmart on Dunwoody Rd. Monday night.

During his arrest, Densmore reportedly asked officers to secure his bicycle because it was “very nice and expensive.”

Police say they secured the bicycle, ran the serial number and discovered it was reported stolen from a condominium in Atlanta days prior.

Whee!: You Can Now Take Hogwarts Magic Classes Online

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HogwartsIsHere is a website offering free online classes in magic and potions and all that other fun stuff that make-believe witches and wizards want to learn.

hogwarts-online-classes

Though it is similar to the franchise’s interactive ebook website Pottermore, this version doesn’t seem to follow directly in Potter’s footsteps. The immersive website was made by members of the fandom to bring together anyone who has been seeking “magical experiences” since the series’ conclusion.
It also takes its course work very seriously — starting out as first year students, users are expected to complete homework assignments, essays, quizzes and tests for classes such as “Charms” and “Potions,” and progress through all seven years of wizard academics.

Counterfeit morning-after pills could lead to big problems .. in about 9 months

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2358714636_70209e6a35_o_0_standard_1280_0Recently, a team of Georgia Tech chemists analyzed the contents of 25 different types of emergency contraceptive pills (often called the morning-after pill and marketed as Plan B) bought in Lima, Peru.

28 percent of the pills were counterfeit or ineffective

What they found is pretty concerning. Seven of them, or 28 percent, were either counterfeit or of such poor quality that they probably wouldn’t work in preventing pregnancy.

Six of the samples had insufficient levels of the artificial hormone that prevents the release of an egg from the ovary (levonorgestrel) or were formulated incorrectly, so the hormone wouldn’t be released properly as the pill dissolves in the body.

One type of pill simply contained an antibiotic that can cause rashes and even life-threatening skin conditions in people who are allergic to it, but does nothing to prevent unwanted pregnancies.

News that contraceptives sold in South America are substandard or counterfeit might not seem like a big deal to US readers, but this is an global problem. The pills had been manufactured in a range of countries (Argentina, Chile, China, Colombia, Hungary, India, Pakistan, Peru and Uruguay), and because of the international nature of the pharmaceutical trade, counterfeit drugs have been increasingly showing up in the US market.

Internationally, it’s estimated that counterfeit drugs are now a $75 billion dollar industry that accounts for one to ten percent of all drugs sold.

counterfeit drugs are now a $75 billion industry worldwide

In the US, most counterfeits are lifestyle drugs sold on the black market — counterfeited Viagara is the most common — but all sorts of pharmaceuticals have been found to be fake. In 2012, during widespread shortages of Adderall, counterfeit versions began popping up for sale on the internet. In some instances, fakes have made their way into the legal supply chain — like in 2012, when a fake version of the cancer drug Altuzan that contained no active ingredient was distributed by a Tennessee company.

Counterfeit pills are an especially big problem in Africa, where an estimated 35 percent of anti-Malaria drugs are either fake or of substandard quality. Last June, customs officials in Angola discovered 1.4 million packets containing fake Coartem — an anti-malaria drug — in one of the biggest seizures of counterfeit pharmaceuticals in history.

The current technological standard for spotting fake pills in the field, the GPHF MiniLab, is essentially a scientific laboratory in a suitcase, and needs to be operated by trained scientists. But a number of compact and easy to use systems are currently in development, including the FDA’s new CD-3 — currently in use at a few international mail screening facilities in the US — that shines infrared light onto a pill, allowing a user to compare the resulting image to one of a pill known to be genuine.

WTF! Korean ‘Instructor’ Teaches How to Swear in English

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Common wisdom tells us the best foreign words and phrases to learn when in an unfamiliar place are the local equivalent of “Hello,” “Good morning,” and “Where’s the bathroom?” — just to name a few of the most polite things to say.

But watch this video and you might want to reconsider enrolling in a rather formal language school.

It seems the guy on the video teaches under the premise that knowing these expletives would help Korean tourists be aware of what people they meet might say.

So you won’t have to nod your head in agreement or say, “Thank You!” when someone says, “F**k you” or any expletives one might hurl at you, especially in public.

Watch the video below.

Baby Born With 4 Feet, 4 Hands

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A baby born with four arms and four legs had his extra limbs surgically removed on Friday.

The boy, born April 2 in China’s Guangdong Province, is in stable condition after the surgery, the Global Times reports.

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Yu Jiakang, chief surgeon at Guangzhou Women and Children’s Medical Center, told the Yangcheng Evening News that the baby was born joined at the torso to a headless parasitic twin.

According to the Evening News, the mother underwent five examinations at various local clinics and hospitals, and doctors found no abnormalities with the fetus.

However, the boy’s father, identified only as “Mr. Chen,” told ImagineChina that he felt guilty about his son’s birth defects because he did not arrange for his wife to receive good enough care.

“I only cared about my work,” he said. “I just thought of making money instead of taking [my wife] to hospital for a medical checkup.”

5 Terrifying Sex Toys That Prove We’re Overthinking Sex

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By Pauli Poisou

Disclaimer: I’m no prude. Anyone who knows me will spit out a thousand creative insults about me before landing on “prude,” and even then they’re just probably misspelling something more interesting. Yet sometimes when I sit in front of the fire in my smoking jacket, idly sipping Scotch and browsing through the latest issue of Sexy Sex Sexology on Sexual Sexiness, it occurs to me that we, as a society, are totally overthinking boning.

I mean, I like looking at boobs as much as the next guy. But there is a point where things that are supposed to be nice and sexy stop being either and evolve into over-engineered mutant contraptions that are to harmless fun what Cthulhu is to local fish populations. Cases in point:

#5. A10 Cyclone SA

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Look, everyone knows Japan is going to feature on this list in one way or another, so let’s just get their kink out of the way first, shall we?

The A10 Cyclone SA is named like an industrial vacuum cleaner, and damn if it doesn’t look like a scale model of one, too. According to Kotaku, it was introduced to the unwary world as a “sexual home appliance,” which is corporate speak for “Yo, here’s a Hoover you can finally fuck without ending up in the ER!” But despite its clunky, business-like exterior, let’s not rain doom all over this thing right away. Plenty of sex toys look way goofy; it’s how they function that counts.

With that in mind, allow the nice lady who is probably really happy to have her image forever associated with this fucking thing give you a quick peek at the gadgetry that lies within:

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That looks like a good way to lose a finger, even before it starts spinning at high speeds.

Yes, inside that unassuming shell lies a bona fide, rapidly spinning electrical sander vortex, ready to repeatedly rotate-brush any and all nearby dicks to oblivion. I guess that can be seen as a good thing if you’re very literal-minded about polishing your pole, but for the casual masturbator that shit is just overkill. Oh, and because dong-flaying tornado machines only score a solid 6 on Japan’s sliding scale of insanity, the Cyclone is also Bluetooth enabled so you can rig it to move in synch with, say, the play-by-play of last year’s Super Bowl. Why would you ever want to do that? I don’t know, because I’m not the one who’s contemplating shelling out $300 for a customizable dick sander.

#4. The TimeToSquirt

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Squirting is a peculiar gush some women experience in their nether regions when they why am I explaining this? You know what I’m talking about, don’t pretend that you don’t.

Marcus London, who you just know is either a porn star or a villain in a Jason Statham movie, is an equally peculiar person who has devised an algorithm that lets any schmuck fondle female genitalia in a fashion that is “guaranteed” to pave the way to a lady-part hose-down. He calls it, I shit you not, the TimeToSquirt, and it comes in the shape of a wristwatch.

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Because nothing says “pleasant sexy time” better than wearing a diver’s watch in bed.

The actual watch is just a part of the TimeToSquirt system. The real meat comes in the form of a 200mb, password-protected guide that you can download from the product page after you’ve made the purchase. This tome contains Mr. London’s ultimate hand techniques, which the website describes in a manner that makes me feel I’m not qualified to discuss this thing, for fear that someone, somewhere gets an internal injury for misunderstanding my words. Here, I’ll let the website explain:

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Yeah. Basically it’s all about memorizing the manual, and that stupid watch is just a glorified traffic light for your action hand.

I’m not saying the system is entirely without worth. Its aim is to bring pleasure, and some women have gone on record saying that these climaxes can actually be quite powerful. However, I am saying that no matter how magical Mr. London’s hands may be, a goddamn wristwatch is the absolute worst way to put his techniques to use. If you don’t see the problem here, try wearing one to bed come next Bone Time and surreptitiously glance at it every 10 seconds. Unless your significant other is really into hate rodeo, I promise it won’t take two minutes until they push the eject button.

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“Honey, you don’t understand. I wasn’t bored, I was just using a cheat code to turn your vagina into a fire hose.”

#3. LovePalz

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Back in the early 1990s, when “cyber” was a word no one sniggered at and hoverboards would surely arrive any day now, the world was introduced to the concept of teledildonics. Created as an umbrella term for the scientific research of long-distance fucking, it was both the most accurate description for dicking around the computer ever invented and the best excuse to dick around even more.

Well over 20 years later, the hottest shit in the field of distance boning is a device known as LovePalz, and I’m guessing if those early 1990s scientists would have seen it they probably would have called it quits, opting instead to find cancer cures or whatever.

LovePalz consists of a male and a female unit that you plug into your respective computers. Then you fuck them, and they basically respond to whatever is going on with the other unit, thus creating an illusion of screwing a piece of plastic in a fashion that is somehow more meaningful than usual. I could go on and on about the specs and haptic achievements of this product, but come on — that’s not what you really need to know about LovePalz. What you really need to know is what they look like when they’re operational:

Hahahahaha! Isn’t that just the most adorable thing ever? One of them churns. The other flops about. Together, they fight crime.

What the product website carefully downplays (but the user blurbs actively suggest) is that the product is also used for the nascent art of quite literally fucking yourself. Which, come to think of it, is totally like 98 percent of all the possible reasons anyone would ever purchase this thing. After all, cloning technology is expensive.

Still, at least there’s a chance that one or two of these were sold to people who are actually using them for each other’s benefit. There’s no way the same can be said about …

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#2. Glance

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As you may have noticed from the previous entry, I have a tendency to believe that at the end of the day, people just want to screw themselves as hard as they possibly can. I realize this is a pretty heavy attitude, and I’d be happy to adjust it … if it wasn’t for the fact that things like the Glance app keep proving me right.

You may have heard of Glance in January, when it made its debut under its original name, Sex With Glass. In one fell swoop, it managed to combine the worst facets of all the realms of geek dickery: It was designed for Google Glass, it gave the platform a giant middle finger by actively advertising the sex aspect in its very name, and its whole point was face-swapping the person you’re fucking with, well, you.

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“Was it as good for you as it was for me?”
“No.”
“Me neither.”

For that is the whole point of Glance, whether they admit it or not (they can’t, because for a supposedly cool company Apple has some serious issues about sex). When you make an app where the whole point is swapping viewpoints with another person, you know full well what that shit is going to be used for. They even hint as much on their website:

Moments are more beautiful when we experience something we’ve never seen before. Glance makes even the simplest experiences more special, surprising, and delightful.

Take note of that vaguely Camembert-like stench wafting by your nostrils, for that is the smell of innuendo. Well, that, or the smell of your partner’s taint, playing a harmonious tune with the view of your own, enjoyed through their Google Glass. Is that an image you would cherish? Because it’s not an image I’m going to cherish. Get your pasty, Google-Glassed asses out of my living room.

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And in case you’re curious, I can save you the price of the app by saying your O-face looks like this. Everyone’s O-face looks like this.

#1. Vore Toys

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If you’re not comfortable with the idea of a grown-ass man lubing himself up and stuffing himself in a huge rubber dragon head for kicks, walk away now. I hear there’s a nice article about bunnies just next to this one.

Still here? Good.

To be human is to be a prisoner of your urges. We can discuss wines and argue about French philosophers all we want, but we’re still basically animals with a prime evolutionary directive to procreate. We sure as shit are striving to become something else, though: For whatever reason, at some point in history our brains decided that watching other people screw is cool too, and that’s how the sex industry became such a major player on every field of innovation. That’s also how we’ve become jaded and willing to experiment more and more. Hell, I myself have been known to [REDACTED -- Cracked Legal Dept.] while [REDACTED with extreme prejudice -- Legal] it with a [50 states. What he's describing is illegal in 50 fucking states. -- L.] and a lawyer [Oh, goddammit.]. We all have our innocent little secrets, even if we’re one day going to get zapped big time by some passing alien fleet because of that shit you’re up to, Steve.

The thing is, occasionally someone’s particular interests wind up so convoluted and overthought, they’re as far removed from ordinary sexuality as taxes. Consider vores, a tribe of fetish enthusiasts that reside in some of the darkest jungles of the Internet. They get off from the idea of either eating or being eaten by someone or something, and usually both the eater and the eaten are represented by a luscious catgirl or a dragon with boobs or some shit. Well, those guys have sex toys too:

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I went to the website to check if this thing has air holes so you won’t have to, and I’m sad to report that it has.

That’s a “head nommer,” and ahahahahahahaha holy mother of balls I can’t even finish this sentence without collapsing in laughing fits. The manufacturer talks a big game about “drool-scented lubricant” and “saliva pumps” and whatever passes for ambition in circles where your highest dream is being fed to a hentai character, but come on — that thing is clearly a massive artificial vagina for your face, and also the best goddamn thing I’ve seen all week. If they had a butt version of that, I could cross like six names off this year’s Christmas shopping list alone.

Oh, and there’s also that dragon thing I was talking about earlier. Sadly, it’s not quite finished yet, but even more sadly, it looks like it eventually will be.

Via IndieGoGo/DragoMaw260965
Now, imagine a 300-pound, bebonered man, slathered in oil and struggling to enter the mouth.

Brutal!: Viper Eats Centipede, Centipede Eats Way Out

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This is a dead nose-horned viper found in Macedonia with a centipede poking its nasty little head out the hole it ate through the snake.  BRUTAL DETAILS:

The unfortunate nose-horned viper (Vipera ammodytes) was a young female that stretched about 2 inches longer than the centipede (7.9 vs. 6 inches, or 20.3 vs. 15.4 centimeters), the researchers wrote last month in a brief report published in the journal Ecologica Montenegrina. But the centipede (Scolopendra cingulate) was actually heavier than the snake, tipping the scales at 114 percent of the snake’s body weight (4.8 vs. 4.2 grams, or 0.17 vs. 0.14 ounces).
A dissection revealed that the snake’s visceral organs were missing, or in other words, “the entire volume of its body was occupied by the centipede,” the scientists wrote. For this reason, the researchers think it’s possible the snake’s dinner tried to claw its way out, destroying the viper’s internal organs along the way, before eventually dying.