Woman Finds Vaginal Leakage Caused by Cock Ring Left Inside for Weeks

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A tip for those of you trying out sexual accoutrements for the first, second or 75th time: When the fun is over, search deep within yourself to ascertain that none of the fun has been left behind. Because some things, cock rings especially, can stay with you far longer than you’d think. Even longer than a month.

For one woman, this holiday season has already brought one miracle: The realization that whatever horrifying things were coming out of her vagina were not caused by cancer or an STD, but by a neglected cock ring, sad, alone, and full of germs that she’d forgotten to take out of her vagina. Or, I guess, that she never knew was in her vagina in the first place. And apparently it was so far up there that she couldn’t even feel it until it started rotting and releasing a putrid white discharge from her vaginal orifice. This is her story, via Reddit:

We were fooling around with my boyfriend and he started fingering me. Suddenly he goes like “uhhh.. ummm.. Is this normal?” And asked me to feel it by myself.

I almost peed myself from fear. I couldn’t understand for the life of me what was this thing inside of me. I actually was feeling the opening of the cock ring.. When not stretched its diameter can perfectly fit a finger.

I thought it was my fucking cervix. I though it inflamed and fell down or something. I started to panic. You see, the cock ring it soft and pliable, but firmer than anything that could be inside me.

First of all, that is pretty much the scariest thing that could happen during sex with the one you love. I’d like to think that if my partner and I were engaging in a pleasurable sexual exchange he’d have the decency to wait until after we were done to point out any polyps or growths, but some people just don’t know what appropriate boundaries are. One point to this woman’s boyfriend for being caring; minus one point for freaking her out during sex. Sex is already all weird and pressur-ey, you know? I’m so focused on keeping my stomach held in the entire time that I can’t even imagine what it would look like if I suddenly got frightened? (I wish there was some kind of invisible girdle you could wear during sex. I would buy such girld.e )

Then I remembered. Flashback to Halloween. We got shipped this set of 5 cock rings. It was funny and exciting. We were giggling all the way from the post office. And of course we immediately decided to try them out.

My SO put on two at the same time. And it began. Fun and giggles.. And suddenly his roommate came home. We scrambled and in the haste of things not me, not my SO noticed that one ring was missing.

Pro-tip: don’t put two of those things on at the same time. It will not enhance pleasure. Source: experience. Since condoms were covered by his flex spending at the time, we bought like 40 packs and then tried to use them all. Yes, you can buy the ones with the vibrating rings with flex spending! No, you can’t buy a defibrillator — he had to return that. I was kind of sad because I like making grilled cheese sandwiches.

Here’s what this woman’s cock ring looked like when it went into her vagina:

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And here’s what she says it looked like when it came out:

So when I finally and fearfully pulled that thing out it was fucking disgusting. It was sort of transparent. When we bought it it was fucking PURPLE. It was covered and filled with this white discharge. Like mayo or liquefied cottage. Blech. Gross as fuck. To my surprise the smell was OK. Not bad, just neutral.

But don’t take her word for it. There is, of course, a photo:

wtxrydczrxxsv3bptbirChewed up and smelling like mayo! (Which, coincidentally is the title of my upcoming autobiography available from Hyperion press in 2015.)

There are some things to be taken away from this story. First, “listen to your body” because your body talks (according to Olivia Newton-John, at least); second, “count what goes in and out of your body.” That’s pretty sound advice. It’s like in preschool where you have to make sure all the blocks are in the right spaces before you can go out for recess, except this is more like “make sure there’s nothing so deep in you that you can’t even feel it before you go into the other room to play Xbox or fall asleep.”

Sound advice!

People Feel Better About Pornography When It’s Educational

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There are all kinds of theories about what watching pornography might do to a person. Some of those theories are positive, some are less so. But there’s one thing that studies agree on: People are more likely to think watching porn will affect others negatively more than it will affect themselves negatively.

porn_1536108cThis is not, to be clear, saying that there are established negative effects associated with watching porn (that’s a whole other debate). It simply means that one person is more likely to assume that any negative effects that might exist apply far more to someone else, than to himself. The neighbor watching porn? A heathen. You watching porn? A regular Wednesday night. This is a well documented phenomenon in sex research, but recent work suggests that it doesn’t hold up for a particular type of pornography: instructional porn.

Yes, instructional porn really is just what it sounds like. According to Katrina L. Pariera, the George Washington University researcher behind this new study, “Instructional pornography includes explicit adult films designed to arouse and instruct couples or individuals in sexual matters,” she wrote in a recently published paper. This kind of porn has titles like The Expert Guide to Positions,The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Pleasure, and Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide To Advanced Fellatio. (Instructional pornography always seem to be either expert or ultimate.) These are how-to manuals, guides, roadmaps to pleasure, sex for dummies. And many of the free porn sites online like YouPorn and PornHub and XVideo have an instructional tag where these videos live.

Essentially, instructional pornography is meant to educate first, titillate second. Viewers should come away knowing a bit more about how to please themselves or their partners. Which got Pariera to wondering whether previous academic work about perceptions of porn viewers might have been missing something by treating all porn equally. Do people truly perceive all kinds of pornography the same way? Is something more banal, or even instructional, filed into the same cabinet in our minds as something kinkier or more aggressive?

The experiment she did involved a little bit of lying, as many experiments do. The subjects were told that they were there to help develop a new adult-movie rating system. As part of the development of that new system, they were instructed that their opinions on how certain movies would affect others were important. They were then asked to consider eight DVD covers, along with a paragraph summary of each one. Two of those were instructional adult films (things like Matt and Khym: Better Than Ever and Turn Ons!: How to Please Your Partner), two were non-instructional adult films (including Superman XXX: A Porn Parody, and Audrey: Sexual Freak 8), and two were mainstream movies (The Matrix and Slumdog Millionaire). After looking at each, the participants were asked how they thought someone might be impacted by watching the DVD in question. (They were not asked how much that same someone might enjoy the DVD, only how it might impact them.)

When Pariera looked at the results, she saw a striking difference between how people thought about instructional and non-instructional pornography.

The usual perception of pornography being worse for someone else was flipped. People actually thought that viewing instructional porn had the same impact on adults (both men and women) as watching The Matrix did. Which is to say, no real effect. And, unlike non-instructional pornography, there was no difference in how men and women felt about it. (When asked about pornography more broadly, women tend to be more likely to perceive negative impacts than men are.) In other words, “instructional pornography was rated as having a mostly positive effect, suggesting the genre is perceived as somewhat socially desirable.”

Instructional sexual education seems to be on the rise, as places like Babeland and Moregasm try to take the stigma out of adult sex-ed. Babeland, a sex shop and education center with several locations in New York City and Seattle, offers classes on blow jobs, positions, and just general “hot sex.” And if this new research is right, it might be more palatable for people to think about instructional erotica over the kind that exists simply as pleasure for pleasure’s sake.

Proud British Lady Says No Court Can Stop Her Illegal Sex Screams

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A woman given an Asbo for loud SEX sessions says she will continue to make noise – as “that’s what you should be doing”.

Caroline-CartwrightCaroline Cartwright’s bonking sessions with husband Steve were so noisy police were called to their home to tell them to be quiet more than 30 times.

The 53-year-old from Sunderland was given an Asbo banning her from shouting, screaming or vocalising during sex.

It was put in place after she breached a noise abatement order five times and was later given a suspended jail term after going against the Asbo.

Despite facing court over the loud romping, she says she will continue having noisy sex.

Caroline, who has been married to Steve for more than 30 years, said she has no regrets after she was given a four-year anti-social behaviour order.

She said: “As far as I’m concerned, that’s what you should be doing. Just relax. Go with the flow.

“It’s not as if I’m having sex and think ‘Oh, I’m making too much noise. I better be quiet’.”

Problems began when she and Steve moved into a quiet terrace and bought a bed with an iron headboard, which banged against the wall before it broke.

She said: “I would have been judgemental about people who went to prison before I got locked up.

“But then you go in there and you hear the stories of why they’re there, it makes you realise that it could be anyone who ends up there.”

In a bid to get around restrictions, unemployed Cartwright switched the sex sessions to the morning.

However, residents, who complained she drowned out the sound of their televisions, were unimpressed.

She added: “I don’t see why I should stop having sex in my own house with my husband of 38 years.

“I’m sure there could be a lot worse things I could be doing. They all thought it was stupid I was in prison.

“I mean, I was in the same prison as people like Rose West for making a noise when I have sex.

“There could be a real crime going on while they’re busy arresting me.”

Woman blindfolded ex promising sex session but then stabbed him in the back with kitchen knife

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A vicious woman stabbed her ex-husband in the back after blindfolding him following a steamy romp and telling him she had a surprise for him.

Andrea-SantonBrutal Andrea Stanton launched the savage attack on her former spouse after luring him back to her Lancaster home following a night out together on June 29 this year.

Preston Crown Court heard how Stanton, 53, had written suicide notes to pals where it was implied she intended to kill her one-time husband.

Tom Snape, senior crown prosecutor for CPS North West said: “Andrea Santon carried out a premeditated attack on her ex-partner after luring him back to her address following an amicable night out.

“Following consensual sexual intercourse, she blindfolded him, told him she had a surprise for him then proceeded to stab him in the back with a kitchen knife.

“Fortunately the blade of the knife hit his shoulder blade, he managed to fight her off and leave the house. He contacted the emergency services and was discovered by the police collapsed in the road.

“Santon had previously written various suicide notes to friends and family, in which she had not named the victim as a survivor, which clearly showed her intention to take his life.

“She was arrested nearby in possession of two knives, one of which she had used to stab the victim and the other she had used on herself in an attempt to take her own life.

“The CPS and police take all cases of domestic violence extremely seriously regardless of whether the victim is male or female, and will continue to work together to bring to justice those who commit such offences.”

Stanton was jailed for 12 years today after she was found guilty of attempted murder.

Always Masturbate Before a Holiday Party

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If you’re looking for love this holiday season, one expert says you should make sure to “love your body” before you step under the mistletoe, otherwise you’re just going to get hurt. (Possibly have an orgasm before it happens, but definitely hurt after) (Sooo hurt.)

azmgiyfsswg57t8htnlyLucy Beresford, a psychotherapist, has written a new book about love, life and relationships and, she says, one of the most important things you can do to avoid pain during this festive time of year is touch yourself in the bath before leaving the house. Why? because it will bring your “libido down a few notches” and allow you to make clear decisions about whether you want to have sex with that tall, dark stranger you just met at the party (who may also not be a tall, dark stranger at all once the beer goggles come off). Beresford says you should always resist, because dudes in holiday sweaters only one want one thing: Your special frosted cookies. (That is not a good euphemism for genitals, is it?)

From Cosmo UK:

Respect Your Vagina

By respecting this precious part of your body, you treat yourself with respect too. After all, sex is not a numbers game. It’s bigger and better than that. So even though you’re experiencing tons of sexual tension, keep a clear head and conduct some subtle research on the night to see if he has other ‘attachments’ (wife / alcohol / kids) which will stop him putting you first beyond tonight. Treating your vagina as a precious possession means you become much more discerning about who gets to have fun with it – and with you.

So, if you want long-term love don’t have short-term sex, says one person who is promoting her book. I don’t know if that’s true, but I am always going to support suggestions for aggressive masturbation, so I agree with Beresford there. Although I will say that having short-term sex and one-night stands is not an explicit “disrespect” of one’s vagina.

I will also tell you this: There is nothing more romantic than someone telling you that they masturbated before they came to see you. At least if you’re 18 years old and meeting some dude from the internet for the first time. “I did that thing they talked about in Something About Mary,” he said, and I melted. So maybe Beresford is right about some things. Love yourself before you go for that meat platter!

British Censors Ban Spanking, Female Ejaculation And Other Sex Acts From Online Porn

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Lawmakers in the United Kingdom have deemed face-sitting to be a “life-endangering” act worthy of censorship, the Independent reports.

n-BONDAGE-mediumIt’s just one of many sex acts that are now banned from porn produced in the UK.

The website reports that a quietly passed amendment that censors on-demand porn enacted Monday takes aim at a slew of sex acts that are often featured in BDSM films. The sex acts were already banned from sex-shop DVDs produced in the UK, but the new legislation extends censorship to online porn.

The following sex acts are now banned from British porn, according to the Independent:

  • Spanking
  • Caning
  • Aggressive whipping
  • Penetration by any object “associated with violence”
  • Physical or verbal abuse (regardless of if consensual)
  • Urolagnia (known as “water sports”)
  • Female ejaculation
  • Strangulation
  • Facesitting
  • Fisting

“It’s a set of weird and arbitrary censorship rules,” Jerry Barnett, the founder of anti-censorship campaign Sex and Censorship, told Vice UK. “They’re simply a set of moral judgments designed by people who have struggled endlessly to stop the British people from watching pornography.”

The interest groups behind the legislation are police, child protective services, and the British Board of Film Censors, Barnett said.

The Independent points out that “worryingly, the amendment seems to take issue with acts from which women more traditionally derive pleasure than men.”

But there may be a loophole. Since the law appears to apply only to porn produced in the UK, people with fetishes for these sex acts can probably still stream smut that’s made overseas.

If L.A.’s mandatory condom laws didn’t stop Southern California from making porn (albeit unlicensed, underground porn), then censoring pee parties and facesitting likely won’t stop Brits from watching.

The 999 emergency number is not your personal phone erotica outlet

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A man who called 999 over 800 times in five months was using the emergency number as a “free sex line”.

_79430551_41a09966-7d27-4c29-b4b1-4cc6d1696c4bNuisance caller John Wainwright, of Arnold, Nottingham, admitted regularly phoning the emergency services at Nottingham Magistrates’ Court yesterday, the BBC reported.

The East Midlands Ambulance Service said that on one occasion in August he called 999 every 10 minutes.

A spokeswoman for the EMA said that Wainwright would often use 999 as a free sex line and claimed be possessed by the devil.

The 43-year-old is due to be sentenced on 19 December following psychiatric reports.

Magistrates were told Wainwright had alcohol problems and bipolar disorder.

The case is just the latest amid numerous reports of people wrongly calling 999. In June a woman in Birmingham contacted the emergency services because the sprinkles on her ice-cream were not spread evenly.

And last year a man in the West Midlands called 999 to complain about his driving instructor turning up late.

In 2013 the NHS introduced the 111 number, in an attempt to help stem the problem. It is intended as a non-emergency health-related telephone service.