Two Asian Girls Try To Blow A Cockroach Into Each Other’s Mouth On Japanese Game Show

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Talk about some high fucking stakes. I think I’d honestly rather play Russian Roulette than this cockroach tube game. My palms were sweating just watching these two. The chick who ended up winning came within an inch of losing like 2 or 3 times. Able to withstand the furious blow job onslaught her opponent unleashed. She dug deep for one last blow and – BAM! – cockroach right down that bitch’s throat. I bet that thing didnt’t even end up in her stomach. Right into the lungs. Probably in there right now like when Pinocchio was inside that whale.  Vile. Absolutely vile.

Fuckin Japan man. You gotta respect their game show prowess. Every challenge or contest is always vaguely sexual right before they hit you over the head with something absolutely repulsive. Like “Lets have 2 pretty Asian girls wrap their lips around this tube and blow…AND THEN THEY EAT COCKROACHES!” Just mixing up all sorts of their weird perverted stuff into one game. We love karaoke…we love blow jobs…lets have girls blow guys while they sing karaoke! They certainly know how to put asses in the seats.

Handgun found in man’s ‘butt cheeks’ during jail search

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A handgun was found in a Bridgeton man’s “anal cavity” during a strip search at the Cumberland County Jail on Friday, police said in a news release.

17751096-largeWhen officers arrested 21-year-old Darquan R. Lee, of Pamphylia Avenue, on a contempt of court warrant Friday afternoon, they searched him and brought him to the Bridgeton police station, according to Lt. Thomas Speranza, of the Bridgeton Police Department, in the release.

But at the station, suspicion that Lee might be hiding something arose when he asked police to use the bathroom, but then “refused” after officers told him that they would pat him down and search the bathroom “before and after he used it,” police said.

It was at this point officers thought Lee might be hiding “contraband” in his “anal cavity,” according to the news release.

Upon transferring Lee to the Cumberland County Jail, the police officers told jail personnel they thought Lee might be hiding contraband, officials said.

It was during a “strip search” that jail personnel discovered a .25-caliber automatic handgun “shoved in his anal cavity” and “between his butt cheeks,” authorities said.

The handgun was also reported stolen from Alabama, according to police.

Lee was additionally charged with possession of a weapon; unlawful possession of a weapon; certain persons not to have a weapon and receiving stolen property, according to officials.

He is currently being held in the Cumberland County Jail without bail.

Cops Follow Trail Of Macaroni Salad Straight To Robbery Suspects

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Never trust the macaroni salad. It’ll turn on you when you least expect it.

This, after police in Mt. Morris, New York, apprehended three burglary suspects Sunday by following a trail of macaroni salad they left behind while making their getaway.

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In a release published Monday morning, the Livingston County Sheriff’s Office reports thieves broke in and stole a cash register from Build-A-Burger Restaurant, along with the establishment’s entire surveillance system and a large bowl of macaroni salad.

Deputies were hot on the criminals’ trail, literally, as they attempted to escape via the nearby Greenway Trail.

“Found along the trail were cash register parts, surveillance system parts, rubber gloves, loose change and a steady trail of macaroni salad,” the sheriff’s office said. “It was later discovered that the suspects stole a large bowl of macaroni salad, which they took turns eating, along their escape route.”

Officers arrested Matthew P. Sapetko, 34, James P. Marullo, 35, and Timothy S. Walker Jr., 23, by early Sunday afternoon. The three have been charged with third-degree burglary, third-degree criminal mischief and fourth-degree grand larceny. Walker faces additional charges for criminal possession of a controlled substance, say police.

Per the Democrat & Chronicle, the three have been booked into the Livingston County Jail. Most of the stolen property has been recovered.

Florida man tries to cash check for $368 billion

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A Florida man walked into a Jacksonville Bank of America and tired to cash a $368 billion check.

PrintJeff Waters, explained to the bank a homeless man named Tito Watts sold him the blank check from U.S. Bank of Idaho that was reportedly issued in the 90s.

Waters made the check out to “Cash” and was told by Watts that the check would clear for any amount he wrote it out for if he gave him $100.

Waters said he wanted $368 billion to open up an Italian restaurant. Water said:

“It’s always been my dream to own the best Italian restaurant in the earth,” Waters told police. “I’m 10% Italian. Cooking authentic Italian food is in my blood. I had planned to make the restaurant 80 million sq. feet and able to accommodated (sic) 30 million eaters at once, plus it was gonna be totally underwater so people could look at sharks while they ate. But the bank wouldn’t give me my money they owed me. Tito said the check was good for any amount I wanted to write it for. So blame Tito, not me. I’m as innocent as a schoolgirl.”

When police searched Waters they found both bath salts and Chinese throwing stars on his person. He was arrested that in addition to forgery. He was later released after posting a $23,000 bail.

Oh Shit, Ryanair flight takes off without toilet paper

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7683360_GPassengers onboard a recent Ryannair flight from Spain to London were in for unwelcome surprise when the plane departed without any toilet paper.

The flight took off before cabin crew admitted to the passengers that the handling agents had failed restock the bathrooms.

The warning provoked a mild panic throughout the airborne plane.

In additional to lacking adequate toilet paper, the flight also had no milk to offer to patrons for coffee or other beverages.

A Ryanair spokesperson issued a statement saying:  “This very rare and regrettable stock shortage as caused by the failure of our handling agents in Murcia to deliver toilet rolls and milk sachets that had been ordered on the turnaround in Murcia.”

The low cost airline was voted as the second from bottom “worst brands in the world” last year by marketing consultancy Siegel+Gale’s simplicity index.

But, that was actually an improvement for the airline.

In their rating, Siegel+Gale wrote: ‘What can we say about Irish budget airline Ryanair that hasn’t been said before? Despite the company’s promise for a renewed focus on the customer experience, it’s still a bumpy and complicated ride for passengers. “Complex booking with all the onus on the passenger,’ says one respondent. ‘Irritating and generally misleading,’ says another.”

Man Robs Woman on Elevator, Gets Stuck in Elevator

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The thing about elevator doors is that they open and close, a point to keep in mind if you’re planning to rob someone in an elevator. Deputies in Florida’s Broward County say surveillance video shows a man armed with a knife entering an elevator and taking the purse of a 77-year-old woman, reports CBS12. Then he tries to leave and walks smack into the closing doors. He eventually gets out and is still at large, but now that his image is circulating nationwide as the object of ridicule, that might not last long.

Intoxicated Man Tried To Reheat Pizza On His Car Dashboard

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Police in southeastern Wisconsin say they arrested a man twice in one night for driving while impaired, and in the second bust officers found the 25-year-old was trying to reheat pizza slices on his dashboard.

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The Sturtevant Police Department said both arrests happened on Saturday night. The first one happened after officers saw the man’s car on westbound Durand Avenue, swerving into on-coming traffic.

The driver, who was not named, failed field sobriety tests and was arrested for what would be his second offence of drug impaired driving, police said.

Authorities released the man to a sober driver later in the night, but only 15 minutes passed before he was arrested again.

Police said officers found the man back inside his car, driving away while trying to warm up several pizza slices on his dashboard.

Yet again, the man failed field sobriety tests and was arrested. This would be his third offence of drug impaired driving.