Oh Shit, Ryanair flight takes off without toilet paper

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7683360_GPassengers onboard a recent Ryannair flight from Spain to London were in for unwelcome surprise when the plane departed without any toilet paper.

The flight took off before cabin crew admitted to the passengers that the handling agents had failed restock the bathrooms.

The warning provoked a mild panic throughout the airborne plane.

In additional to lacking adequate toilet paper, the flight also had no milk to offer to patrons for coffee or other beverages.

A Ryanair spokesperson issued a statement saying:  “This very rare and regrettable stock shortage as caused by the failure of our handling agents in Murcia to deliver toilet rolls and milk sachets that had been ordered on the turnaround in Murcia.”

The low cost airline was voted as the second from bottom “worst brands in the world” last year by marketing consultancy Siegel+Gale’s simplicity index.

But, that was actually an improvement for the airline.

In their rating, Siegel+Gale wrote: ‘What can we say about Irish budget airline Ryanair that hasn’t been said before? Despite the company’s promise for a renewed focus on the customer experience, it’s still a bumpy and complicated ride for passengers. “Complex booking with all the onus on the passenger,’ says one respondent. ‘Irritating and generally misleading,’ says another.”

Intoxicated Man Tried To Reheat Pizza On His Car Dashboard

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Police in southeastern Wisconsin say they arrested a man twice in one night for driving while impaired, and in the second bust officers found the 25-year-old was trying to reheat pizza slices on his dashboard.

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The Sturtevant Police Department said both arrests happened on Saturday night. The first one happened after officers saw the man’s car on westbound Durand Avenue, swerving into on-coming traffic.

The driver, who was not named, failed field sobriety tests and was arrested for what would be his second offence of drug impaired driving, police said.

Authorities released the man to a sober driver later in the night, but only 15 minutes passed before he was arrested again.

Police said officers found the man back inside his car, driving away while trying to warm up several pizza slices on his dashboard.

Yet again, the man failed field sobriety tests and was arrested. This would be his third offence of drug impaired driving.

Feds Bust Jamaican Traveler With Half-Kilo Of Cocaine Wedged In His Underwear

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As if getting arrested for drug smuggling was not bad enough, a Jamaican man had to pose for the above evidence photo showing two packages of cocaine wedged between his underwear and a pair of bicycle shorts.

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Romario Lewis was arrested April 16 after traveling on a Fly Jamaica flight from Kingston to John F. Kennedy International Airport in New York. Lewis, carrying a non-immigrant visitor visa, was selected for examination by U.S. Customs and Border Protection, according to court records.

Lewis, investigators reported, appeared nervous and avoided eye contact and was fidgeting as his baggage was examined. Agents then conducted a pat down of Lewis and felt a “hard object in the area of the defendant’s groin.” A further search revealed that Lewis was “wearing bicycle shorts under his pants” that “concealed two transparent bags containing a white powdery substance.”

Before testing the white powder, agents photographed Lewis from behind, showing the diaper-like bulge in his bicycle shorts (as seen below). They then had Lewis lower the shorts to reveal the cocaine packages nestled under his red drawers.

A subsequent field test showed the packages contained half a kilo of cocaine.

Lewis, who has been locked up since his arrest, was named last Wednesday in a two-count federal indictment charging him with possession and importation of cocaine.

High on bath salts, alleged Norse god attempts tree love

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A 41-year-old Florida man is facing a pantheon of charges after allegedly getting hammered on bath salts, declaring himself to be Norse storm god Thor, attempting to commit “a sexual act on a tree”, shrugging off two taserings, and assaulting a police officer.

1210048760706870307According to this report, Kenneth Crowder was spotted this month thundering through the streets of Melbourne, Southeast of Orlando, “yelling that he was a god” before getting arboreally jiggy.

When confronted by a police officer, Crowder approached the cop “in an aggressive manner and identified himself as God”.

A first tasering proved ineffective as the perp “pulled the probes out of his body and continued to fight”. A second high voltage blast ended similarly, as Crowder “again pulled out the probes and went at the officer with clenched fists”.

The cop then punched his adversary in the face “and a scrum ensued, with Crowder saying that he was Thor and trying to stab the officer with the officer’s badge”.

Police reinforcements were required to finally handcuff and shackle the alleged deity, who was arrested on charges of “battery on a law enforcement officer, resisting with violence, and assault with a deadly weapon on a law enforcement officer”.

Cops suspect Crowder was bombed on “flakka” – “a variation of synthetic substances known as bath salts” which offers “a cheap, powerful high while acting as an amphetamine”.

Bath salts is an umbrella term for designer drugs, commonly synthetic cathinones such as mephedrone, based on their apparent resemblance to Epsom salts.

Melbourne police spokesman Dan Lynch said of the drug: “We have spoken to some medical professionals here and they are starting to see an increase in its use. It’s already in South Florida and we think it’s coming here.” ®

Roommates stab each other with beer bottles in iPhone vs. Android dispute

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12587-6622-7487271_G-lKTUL reported that a woman found one of the men stumbling around Evergreen Apartments around 1 a.m., covered in blood. Police were called, and subsequent investigation discovered that the men had been drinking.

When the phone argument turned violent, the pair broke their beer bottles and stabbed each other. At one point during the fracas, one of the men smashed their bottle over the other’s head.

The seriousness of the injuries hasn’t been made public, nor is it yet clear whether police or either of the victims are planning to press charges.

The iPhone versus Android debate is a common trope in American culture. iPhone owners will often claim features such as a smoother interface, better-integrated features and higher build quality, while Android owners will point to things like cheaper prices, a more flexible operating system, and/or technical superiority in some models.

Android devices generally enjoy a larger marketshare, since the operating system is used by a wide range of phone makers. The iPhone however is frequently the most popular individual brand, particularly in countries like China and the U.S.

Former cop sues Kentucky hunting store after accidentally shooting off his own finger

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A former police officer has filed suit against a hunting and fishing store in Kentucky after shooting off his own finger when an employee gave him a loaded gun.

“He’s had multiple surgeries, thousands of dollars in medical expenses,” Smith’s attorney, B. Alan Simpson, told The Post in a phone interview Tuesday.

The accident at Barren Outdoors happened on March 26, when Darrell Smith asked to see a .380-caliber handgun, according to court documents. Simpson said Smith was merely curious about the gun and wanted to take a look.

“He was not necessarily going in to buy a specific gun or something like that,” Simpson said. “He just happened to be browsing through the cases and this particular gun caught his eye.”

The bullet passed through two fingers, and doctors couldn’t save Smith’s left index finger, Simpson said.

You can watch security footage from store here, and while it’s not gory or anything, I will remind you that it is a video of a person getting his finger shot off.

“Under no circumstances should they have had a loaded weapon in a display case to start with,” Simpson said. “The first problem clearly is that whenever this gun was brought into their inventory, they never checked the weapon. And right before they handed it to Mr. Smith, they obviously never checked the weapon a second time.”

Smith, who worked in law enforcement for about 30 years, is now unemployed, Simpson said.

The court documents, filed Friday in Barren Circuit Court, are below.

Attempts to locate an attorney for Barren Outdoors were unsuccessful. The store, which is located in Glasgow, Ky., declined to comment to WBKO,Bowling Green’s ABC affiliate.

I chew! Woman who was ‘fattened up’ by jealous boyfriend to deter love rivals says yes to marriage proposal after two years of binge-eating

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A jealous boyfriend who ‘fattened up’ his partner in a ploy to put off any love rivals has popped the question.

Jealous Groom Fattens Up Fiancee by Six StonesAttractive Yan Tai weighed just over seven stone when she began dating You Pan in South China’s Guangdong Province.

But two years on when You asked her to marry him she was almost unrecognizable, according to The People’s Daily.

Yan’s weight had almost doubled – after she ballooned up to 14 stone 2lbs.

But her six-and-a-half-stone weight gain was all part of a plan to keep You’s pretty girlfriend by his side forever.

Over months he made sure she ate as much as she could everyday, splashing out on meals for Yan almost every day.

The 20-year-old was treated to big breakfasts, huge lunches and massive dinners.

Jealous Groom Fattens Up Fiancee by Six StonesHe even woke her up and fed her midnight snacks in a bid to stop her attracting too much attention from other men.

Now the 25-year-old feeder has popped the question to his girlfriend with a bouquet made, most fittingly, out of Ferrero Roche.

The food-obsessed romantic even made the proposal to his ‘goddess’ at their favourite street of restaurants as friends held up pictures of the couple’s favourite foods.

Beaming with happiness, Yan said ‘yes’ and the happy couple sealed the deal with a kiss as friends at the venue cheered on.

You has now promised to feed her even more once they are married.