Chewy piece of calamari turns out to be a condom


This has got to be up there among the most revolting food finds of all time – a condom in a calamari.

ad_134668276Disgusted diner Mai Liang was halfway through her fish and squid rings dish at a restaurant when she discovered a particularly ‘rubbery’ piece was actually a contraceptive.

Events took another bizarre twist when the owner of the restaurant in Anhui province, China, grabbed the condom and swallowed it.

‘It was disgusting. My first horrific thought was: Is it used?’ explained Ms Liang.

‘Imagine my horror when I turned it over with my fork and it turned out to be a contraceptive.’

Restaurant boss Yi Ze Teng says she ate the condom to stop the argument with her customer and has accused the diners of putting it in their food to get a free meal.

‘They said if I ate the condom, they would leave the matter, so I swallowed it,’ Ms Ze Teng revealed.

The diners have hired a lawyer in a bid to secure a compensation package.

Guy Gets Arrested At The Park For Laying Naked On A Picnic Table And Jerking Off In Broad Daylight


Screen-Shot-2014-07-15-at-10.05.57-AMAn Iowa City man has been charged with indecent exposure after an alleged incident in Ryerson’s Woods Park. According to a criminal complaint, two witnesses reported seeing Gerald C. Meyer, of Ellis Avenue, lying naked and masturbating on a picnic table at 8:16 p.m. Sunday. When the witnesses confronted him, Meyer said he was “playing with himself,” police said. Police say they found Meyer, 43, in a van matching the witnesses’ description and the witnesses identified him in a six-photo lineup. Meyer is charged with indecent exposure, a serious misdemeanor. He was booked and released Sunday.

First of all, that guy looks like Christopher Walken, right?  Like a lot?  Yeah, he does.  After I saw that mug shot and read the story all I could think about was him saying to the witnesses was “I’m playing with myself” in Walken’s voice and then going off into a long monologue about a gold watch he had hidden in his ass.  That gave me a good laugh.  Second, it’s pretty clear what he was trying to avoid here.  Tan lines.  Ever heard of them?  Those things can be the goddamn devil, they look ridiculous and there’s no telling how long they’ll last.  Just ask Big Cat.  And there’s nothing more boring than laying out to get a tan.  You literally just lay there and let the sun cook you like a piece of bacon.  It’s boring as shit.  I don’t know how girls do it all the time but they love it.  So maybe this guy is looking for a way to break the boredom and, whoops, all of a sudden he’s nakedly jerking off while laying on a picnic table in the middle of a public park.  Hey, it happens.  When you break it down like that you could totally see it happening to anybody.  All the pieces are there for a rational argument to be made that he’s simply hyper aware of his physical appearance and wanted to look as good as possible.  Or he’s just a lunatic weirdo who likes to get off on picnic tables in the park.  Either way.

Protip: Call the police BEFORE you trick the pedophile into coming over


A Mercer County man is behind bars after police say he attempted to sexually assault a juvenile in Raleigh County.

4205693_GJohnnie Champ, 44, of Princeton was arrested after the Beckley Police Department received a complaint that he had attempted to sexually assault a woman’s five-year-old daughter, according to the criminal complaint.

The complaint states that Champ and the woman had met online through a dating website. Champ had expressed interest to the woman in having sexual relations with a young juvenile in exchange for money, then asked her to arrange a sexual encounter between him and her daughter.

The complaint states the woman found this notion “reprehensible,” and developed a plan to agree to his requests while planning to contact law enforcement to report his actions.

After agreeing to let him come to her house under the premise that he would have sexual contact with her daughter for $104, the woman attempted to contact law enforcement but was unable to speak to an officer. She then asked three of her male friends to hide in her home and the surrounding area to help keep her and her daughter safe.

Champ arrived at her home at approximately 12 a.m. on June 10 and observed the child asleep on a couch, the complaint states. Champ then advised the mother to carry the girl upstairs and undress her.

At this time, two of the men whom the mother had asked for help stopped him on the stairway, and the mother called the police and reported the incident. The two men were able to get Champ outside of the home and officers arrived to arrest Champ.

Champ is charged with attempted first-degree sexual assault. He’s being held at Southern Regional Jail on $250,000 bond.

Baseball Coach Michael & His Wife Blair Had Sex With Young Teen Player


2n8be6xA pair of Mississippi high school softball coaches who are husband and wife allegedly had sex with a 15-year-old student, including at least once in the press box on school grounds, prosecutors say.

Cops charged Michael Porter, 27, the onetime softball coach at Ridgeland High School, and his 26-year-old wife Blair Porter, a former assistant softball coach at Ridgeland and teacher at Old Towne Middle School, each with a count of sexual battery of a child, WLBT-TV reported.

The allegedly deviant couple were busted after the teen’s mother learned the Porters were in touch with the girl, a player on the softball team, in a way that “went well beyond that of a teacher student relationship,” according to a police document.

2i766itThe mom was worried the sexual relationships may have begun when the girl was in middle school, according to the news station.

Cops searched text messages sent between the couple and student and found naked pictures and dirty language, according to police. When confronted by cops, the girl admitted to having sex with the couple, once at their Brandon home and another time in the press box at Ridgeland High School, documents show.

The couple both had oral sex with the girl, documents show.

The Porters were arrested Friday; Michael was released on $25,000 while his wife was let go on $5,000 bond.

Both have been fired from their jobs in the school district. Each faces up to 30 years in prison on the charge.

Naked couple caught having sex on a busy sidewalk under a cross outside an Oklahoma City church


If God’s your thing, you might want to do the sign of the cross before you read this. Police say a naked man and woman were discovered having sex on the sidewalk in front of an Oklahoma City church Wednesday night.  Page Pals, 52, and Reginald Haney, 52, engaged in the carnal act around 6pm right in front of a cross on an outside wall of St. Luke’s United Methodist Church.  Police said the street fornication was in full view of busy car and pedestrian traffic.


The naked couple reeked of alcohol and as police told the lovers to get dressed they wobbled and had slurred speech.

They were both charged with engaging in an act of lewdness, indecent exposure, and public drunkenness.

Naked Man Accused Of Breaking Into Family’s Home, Licking Young Girl


San Jose police say two girls woke up to a complete stranger in their home attempting to molest them.

Victor-ManzanaresA 39-year-old man has been arrested by police after he reportedly ran through a mobile home park naked, made inappropriate contact with children — licking one of them  — and attempted to burn down a home.

Victor Manzanares is accused of burglary, annoying and molesting a minor, lewd and lascivious acts with a minor, being under the influence of drugs and resisting arrest, police said. It was not immediately clear whether he has an attorney.

San Jose officers on Monday combed through a mobile home park off Senter Road searching for Manzanares after neighbors reported seeing him running around naked.

Manzanares apparently also ran inside a mobile home through an unlocked back door and startled a 12-year-old girl who awoke to find him next to her.

“I was on the couch taking a nap,” the girl said. “I was in deep sleep when the man licked my face and I freaked out.”

Police also said that before Manzanares confronted the 12-year-old girl, he ran into the bedroom of her 11-year-old sister.

“He came into my room… he kissed my cheek, I thought it was my dad, and then he lied next to my bed and tried to touch my bum,” the girl said.

The sisters then grabbed their 7-year-old brother and ran out of the mobile home. The children’s mother, who was ordered out by police minutes earlier, was waiting for them.

The mother said the family has never seen Manzanares before. She said, prior to confronting her children, he turned on all the burners of their stove and gas heater and put a big pile of her clothes next to it. The mother believes he was trying to burn down their home.

Police then went into the home and arrested Manzanares.

The mother said she is still so shaken from the incident that she can’t eat, but she’s thankful her three kids are safe.

Virginia cops want to give a 17-year-old boy an erection so they can take pictures of it


1010-54 039A Manassas City teenager accused of “sexting” a video to his girlfriend is now facing a search warrant in which Manassas City police and Prince William County prosecutors want to take a photo of his erect penis, possibly forcing the teen to become erect by taking him to a hospital and giving him an injection, the teen’s lawyers said. A Prince William County judge allowed the 17-year-old to leave the area without the warrant being served or the pictures being taken — yet.

The teen is facing two felony charges, for possession of child pornography and manufacturing child pornography, which could lead not only to incarceration until he’s 21, but inclusion on the state sex offender data base for, possibly, the rest of his life. David Culver of NBC Washington first reported the story and interviewed the teen’s guardian, his aunt, who was shocked at the lengths Prince William authorities were willing to go to make a sexting case in juvenile court.

“The prosecutor’s job is to seek justice,” said the teen’s defense lawyer, Jessica Harbeson Foster. “What is just about this? How does this advance the interest of the Commonwealth? This is a 17-year-old who goes to school every day, plays football, has never been in trouble with the law before. Now he’s saddled with two felonies and the implication that he’s a sexual predator. I don’t mind trying the case. My goal is to stop the search warrant. I don’t want him to go through that. Taking him down to the hospital so he can get an erection in front of all those cops, that’s traumatizing.”