Texan, 23, Headed To State Prison For Urinating On The Alamo

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A Texas man was sentenced yesterday to 18 months in state prison for urinating on the Alamo.

Daniel Athens, a 23-year-old El Paso resident, pleaded guilty earlier this year to a criminal mischief charge in connection with danielathensthe April 2012 incident at the Texas shrine. While Athens could have faced a maximum of two years in custody, a plea deal saved him up to six months in custody.

Athens was also ordered to pay $4000 in restitution by District Judge Ray Olivarri. Since Athens is not eligible for parole, he will have to serve the entirety of his 18-month sentence.

As detailed in a San Antonio Police Department report, an Alamo Ranger spotted the tipsy Athens standing in a “chained off area not open to the public” making “the motions of putting his penis back in his pants.” Upon investigation, the cop discovered that there was “a puddle on the original mortar of the Shrine.”

Urinating on the 250-year-old “Shrine of Texas Liberty” can cause damage to the landmark since the Alamo’s “limestone absorbs the salt and then pushes the salt out. When the salt gets pushed out so does the face of the limestone and through this process the urine contributes to the eroding of the limestone,” police reported.

Doing reps in a gym is expected … just not one handed reps

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hc-farmington-gym-masterbator-0417-20140416-001A 68-year-old man accused of masturbating at an LA Fitness on Southeast Road has been charged with public indecency and second-degree breach of peace.

Vitor Pina, of Newington, turned himself in to police Tuesday, police said. He is scheduled to appear April 23 at Superior Court in Hartford.

There are at least two instances when Pina was seen masturbating in the gym’s sauna and the men’s locker room, police said.

Managers at the gym had received several complaints about Pina, who is no longer allowed at the gym, police said. Manager reported the incidents to police in March.

Well look at this … a restaurant with a penis with a moustache logo

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Penis-deli-600x400Yelp reviewers and out-of-town passersby alike see the same thing when they look at the sign for Market Place & Cafe in Ballston: a phallus.

But despite giggles from around the internet and outside the doors, the store at 901 N. Glebe Road has kept the logo plastered on its windows for at least 5 years. And there’s no indication that it will be changing any time soon.

The restaurant’s owner declined requests for comment, demanding that an ARLnow.com employee leave the store after identifying himself as a reporter — but before even getting a chance to ask about the sign.

It’s unclear why the store has stuck with the logo — which seems intended to be a mustachioed figure with an prodigiously tall chef’s hat — for all these blush-inducing years. Commentary about the sign on Yelp dates back to 2009.

“My coworkers refer to the place as CnB Deli,” Steve L. wrote in 2009. “If you look at the picture I’ve attached you’ll see why: the logo for this place is of a huge c— and balls.”

“Welcome to Dong Deli,” Steve T. wrote in 2011. “Despite the ridic [sic] logo, the food isn’t that bad.”

The most recent review on the Yelp page was written last year by Matt R., who gave the deli five stars. Matt wrote: “I have never eaten here but their logo is a PENIS WITH A MOUSTACHE. 5 stars.”

Brandon Kline, visiting the area from his home on Long Island, N.Y., said he didn’t notice the sign at first, until he was walking from the Ballston Metro to the Holiday Inn a block away from Market Place Cafe and saw that a crowd had gathered to take photos.

“It was soon apparent why the crowd was taking pictures,” Kline told ARLnow.com. Kline said it reminded him of the phallic sign for the Austin Motel in Austin, Texas, “but even that isn’t as bad” as Market Place’s.

“They definitely knew it was a [penis] sign when they made it,” Kline’s girlfriend, Abby Koppa, said. “There’s no way it was unintentional.”

First-grader accused of bringing knife on bus, threatening female student

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knifeA first-grade student from Bullskin Township Elementary School was suspended for three days after bringing a knife onto a school bus last week, according to the district superintendent.

Authorities told Channel 11’s Jodine Costanzo that the student slashed his seat and the seat in front of him while riding home on April 7.

Investigators said the boy is also accused of threatening a girl who was sitting in the seat in front of him.

“He held the weapon up to the girl and maybe said something to her and she felt threatened,” said Dr. Dan Lujetic, the Connellsville Schools superintendent.

Other students on the bus alerted the driver of what had happened, and the driver confiscated the knife.

“That’s very scary.  Just wow at that age.  A first grader?” said parent Karen Hollis.

The superintendent said the boy was suspended for three days and is now in an alternative school for the rest of the year.

Just a suggestion, but you should always remove your ID badge before installing a covert video camera in your area school’s girls’ restroom

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An affidavit filed in federal court April 14, 2014, offered new details into why investigators think Isabel is responsible for placing those cameras, and possibly others, in restrooms at the school.

untitled, 29, was charged after recording devices were found “covertly placed” in two stalls at Hayes Elementary School on Concord Street Wednesday, April 2, 2014.  Isabel was in charge of the Stepping Stones after-school program at Hayes Elementary.

The affidavit said a custodian found a small gray junction box hanging on a wall opposite a toilet in a girls’ restroom at the school on April 2.  The custodian looked closer, discovered a camera in the box and took the device to the principal’s office.  That’s when police were called.

Investigators said the custodian said she had seen a small black device about a week earlier on the wall in a staff restroom in the school library.  She thought the device was part of the automatic flushing toilet, and other employees had also seen the device.  Although the device was gone a few hours later, no one reported seeing it to the principal or other authorities.

When police determined Isabel had been working when the devices were found, he was brought into the principal’s office to meet with investigators.

When asked if he ever went into the girls’ restroom, Isabel told investigators he goes in there occasionally if he, or a student, needs a tissue, the affidavit said.

“(Isabel) handled the gray device and then made the comment that his fingerprints will now be on the box,” the affidavit said.  Isabel also told police he thought he had seen the junction box before, in a stall in the girls’ bathroom.  When police checked the girls’ restroom, they found recording devices behind toilets in two of the stalls.  The custodian confirmed those devices were just like the one she had seen in the staff restroom.

Cameras were found in the junction box and in the two devices found behind the toilets.

Meanwhile, Isabel left school “ostensibly because he was ill,” the affidavit said.

Police later found the cameras contained close-up images of children from the waist down as they used the toilet.

The cameras were, apparently, operating when they were put into place.  They not only captured images of the victims, but the affidavit says images of the man who placed the cameras were also recorded.

“Although the male’s face is not visible, his identification card can be seen hanging from a lanyard on his neck,” the affidavit said about one of the cameras.  Another camera captured video of a man installing the camera, and the school principal identified that man as Isabel from a still image police captured from the video.

Never, ever lick a policeman in the eye …. they hate that

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Meet Christopher Nicholas Hiatt.

hiattThe 34-year-old Montana man is locked up in lieu of $45,000 bond after allegedly licking the eye of a police officer seeking to arrest him Saturday night outside the Pisser’s Palace tavern.

Police encountered Hiatt after he called 911 to report a theft. After discovering that Hiatt had an active arrest warrant from a neighboring county, officers sought to arrest him. According to investigators, Hiatt struggled when cops sought to handcuff him.

As officers subsequently tried to stuff Hiatt (seen above) in a patrol car, he allegedly licked one of the cop’s eyes. The licking occurred in front of Pisser’s Palace in Walkerville, a Butte suburb.

According to jail records, Hiatt is being held on four charges, including felony assault on a peace officer and assault with bodily fluid, a misdemeanour.

‘Large Quantity Of Fecal Matter’ Found In Hotel Lobby

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r-POOP-600x275A Goose Creek man got to spend some time behind bars after he allegedly took off his pants and defecated on the floor of a downtown Charleston hotel early Sunday morning.

According to Charleston police, 31-year-old Ronnie Lee Warfield was arrested and charged with public defecation and indecent exposure after an incident in the lobby of the Francis Marion Hotel.

When officers arrived at the hotel around 3:45 a.m. Sunday, they found a “large quantity of fecal matter” on the lobby floor just a few feet from the bathroom. A security guard told officers the man who had defiled the lobby floor was in the bathroom, the report states.

An officer walked into the bathroom and found Warfield cleaning himself in one of the stalls; the door was open and he was exposed to anyone walking in, according to the report.

“I didn’t mean to do it,” Warfield reportedly told the officer. “I couldn’t hold it.”

The report states Warfield was detained once he had put his pants back on, and another officer talked to the hotel’s night auditor about what she saw.

Warfield reportedly interrupted them, telling the hotel employee: “I can clean it up.”

According to the report, hotel employees told police they watched Warfield from the hotel’s camera system. He was trying to enter the code for the restroom door and appeared to be having trouble, so he took off his pants and defecated on the lobby floor.

Employees offered the surveillance footage to police and asked that Warfield be banned from the hotel.

Warfield was taken to the Al Cannon Detention Center for holding. His bond was set at $940.

This individual approached the vehicle and indicated he was in possession of pantyhose and a condom

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Dauphin RCMP are looking for a suspicious man and his pantyhose.

On Mar. 31, at approximately 6 p.m., a female motorist was flagged down on Highway 5, roughly 10 kilometres west of Dauphin, by a man. This individual approached the vehicle and indicated he was in possession of pantyhose and a condom.

As he attempted to continue the bizarre conversation, the woman drove away.

The next day, another woman, sitting in her vehicle on 1st Avenue NE in Dauphin, was approached by a man selling pantyhose. The woman reported the incident to Dauphin RCMP.

The man is described as being in his 30s with light hair, wearing a black coat and dark pants. He was seen driving a white, newer-model truck.

Anyone with information on these incidents is asked to contact the Dauphin RCMP at (204) 622-5020 or call Manitoba CrimeStoppers at 1-800-222-8477.

Embarrassing: Trying to rob a hair salon. Really Embarrassing: Have the receptionist laugh in your face. Ultimate embarrassment: Having to call your mom to come pick you up

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ReceptionistOn the afternoon of April 10, 2014, 29-year-old Ryan Trembly entered Bubbles Hair Salon on a mission. It wasn’t give him a style that would turn heads and attract a new mate, though. Ryan was actually planning to rob the place.

He walked up to the receptionist, put his hand under his under shirt, and demanded that she give him the money in the register. Unfortunately for him, the young lady fooled behind the counter was not fooled by his finger gun. Instead, she simply laughed in his face,

The receptionist also pointed out to reporters (and hopefully not to him) how stupid it was to rob a hair salon since a bank was right next door…although to Ryan’s credit, he may have been correctly setting the bar low with regards to his criminal abilities.

After having completely failed at the robbery (and being completely emasculated), Ryan decided that now was the best time to spit some game, attempting to make small talk with the receptionist before leaving the salon.

This Man Won’t Stop Scaring His Poor Girlfriend (NSFW VIDEO)

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n-UMAD-largeThis might be the worst, most hilarious boyfriend ever.

Vine user Aristotle Georgeson has been lightning up the Internet with his scare pranks on his unsuspecting girlfriend. Whether she’s driving, on the phone, or heading out to work, her boyfriend is there to constantly instill a lack of trust in her relationship with him.

“You’re ruining my life with these!” she shouts after one of the scares. She might be right, but just look at all those views your boyfriend is getting!

Watch to the end. It’s all fun and games until a donut becomes a casualty.

But seriously bro, she’s gonna dump you if you don’t stop.