Father Accused Of Shooting Teen Son In Ass After Orange Juice Ran Out

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Eldridge-DukesPolice have arrested 58-year-old Eldridge Dukes after they say he shot his 18-year-old son in the ass during an argument over orange juice.

Dukes and his son got into an argument on Sunday about having no orange juice that led to the teenager breaking a vase.

In response, Dukes grabbed a handgun and chased his son out of the house and down the street, firing several times. His son was hit once in the ass and suffered non-life-threatening injuries, say police.

Dukes was arrested and placed in the parish prison on counts of attempted manslaughter and illegal use of a dangerous weapon.

Someone On a British Airways Plane Took a Shit So Bad That It Had to Turn Around and Come Back Again

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airplane-bathroomA British Airways flight was forced to turn around and land over the weekend because somebody did a shit so bad the plane was essentially rendered useless. Imagine living your life in the knowledge that you once turded so appallingly that a 747-400 had to turn around and land. Your liquid shit bought a £360-million ($533-million) airplane juddering out of the sky. Imagine looking your loved ones in the face after that. Imagine hugging your mom. You couldn’t. Your asshole is essentially a terrorist.

Anyway, the BA flight from Heathrow to Dubai on Saturday had to turn around and flop back down again at Heathrow just 30 minutes into the seven-hour flight because somebody did a toilet crime.

Hertsmere Tory councillor Abhishek Sachdev—who has clearly not heard the “he who smelt it, dealt it” directive—happened to be on the flight, and, as well as tweeting his response (“Insane! Our BA flight to Dubai returned back to Heathrow because of a smelly poo in the toilet! 15hrs until next flight… #britishairways”) also spoke to the Daily Mail about the ordeal. Again: imagine making a smell so bad a Tory councillor talks to a national paper about it.

Charges Dropped Against Man Who Tricked Woman Into Drinking His Sperm

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A Minnesota woman isn’t very happy that a judge dropped sexual misconduct charges against a co-worker who jacked off into her cup of coffee.

509611-b01d161a-cf60-11e4-b2b7-70a9cb122812Pat Maahs said that last August she caught her co-worker standing near her cup of coffee on her desk. The man had a “deer in headlights” look and immediately left the room, she said.

She then noticed that the man had left something behind. “I looked down at the desk and there was a puddle on the desk,” said Maahs. That puddle turned out to be the man’s sperm.

The co-worker would later admit he sweetened up Maahs’ coffee with some of his home-made cream. Maahs doesn’t think this is the first time the man has done this as she says she’d been tasting spoiled coffee over the previous six months.

The man was arrested and subsequently charged with two counts of criminal sexual conduct. But a judge has dismissed those charges, saying that a loophole in the laws meant that what the co-worker did was not illegal.

This loophole is now on its way to being closed, and will make tricking someone into drinking your sperm a felony. If you are convicted of tricking someone into drinking your sperm, you will have to register as a sex offender.

So if you are in Minnesota and want one of your co-workers to unknowingly swallow your load without any legal repercussions, you’d better get whackin’.

Dynel Lane Accused Of Cutting Baby Out Of Pregnant Woman’s Womb After Luring Victim With Craigslist Ad

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Dynel-LanePolice have arrested 34-year-old Dynel Lane after they say she cut a baby out of a pregnant woman after luring the victim to her home under the pretense of selling baby clothes.

The 26-year-old victim, who was seven months pregnant, went to Lane’s home after responding to a Craigslist ad for baby clothes. Once there, police allege Lane attacked the woman and cut her fetus from her womb.

Police say that Lane’s husband drove her and the baby to the hospital where Lane carried in the victim’s dead baby and told hospital staff that she had suffered a miscarriage.

The victim was able to call 911 from Lane’s home where police would find her beaten and stabbed. She was taken to the hospital where she underwent surgery and is expected to survive.

Lane, a mother of two who once had a certified nurse’s aide credential, was arrested and charged with attempted first-degree murder, first-degree assault and child abuse knowingly/reckless resulting in death. Murder charges may or may not be filed against Lane.

“The issues involving an unborn child are complicated under Colorado law,” Boulder County District Attorney Stan Garnett said. “In most circumstances, if a child was not actually born alive, then homicide charges are not possible.”

No word on if Lane’s husband was at home during the attack, but so far he has not been arrested.

After nun rape, India cardinal says protect humans, not just cows

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The head of India’s Catholic bishops, speaking out after a nun was raped in the east of the country last week, has said the country should be as concerned about the welfare of its people as it is about its cows.

Indian Cardinal Baselios Cleemis Thottunkal walks out of the Convent of Jesus and Mary school after meeting with the school staff in RanaghatThe comments appeared directed against hardline Hindu nationalists who have stirred up animosity against India’s Christian and Muslim minorities, while successfully lobbying for tougher laws against killing cows.

Cows are considered sacred by many Indians, but beef is eaten by some poor and lower-caste Hindus as well as by Christians and Muslims. Campaigns to protect cattle are often used to vilify religious minorities.

“The country has a responsibility towards all of us — every human being — and not just cows,” Cardinal Baselios Cleemis told journalists. The comments, reported in newspapers on Wednesday, were confirmed by his office.

The western state of Maharashtra banned the selling of beef in February and the northern state of Haryana has since imposed stringent penalties for cow slaughter.

Cleemis spoke before visiting the hospitalized nun who was raped at a convent school in West Bengal, an attack which has triggered protests on city streets and in parliament.

Police have not established whether the assault motive was religion or money. Prime Minister Narendra Modi of the Hindu nationalist Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) said he was “deeply concerned” and demanded a detailed report into what happened.

The attack was the most serious in a series of incidents that have spread fear among Christians since activists, emboldened by Modi’s election victory last year, began their “ghar wapsi” (homecoming) campaign to convert followers of “foreign religions” to Hinduism.

Indian Christians emphasize their religion’s long history in India and say it is an integral part of the country. Some Hindu hardliners, however, are seeking to define the country as primarily an Hindu nation, in which other religions are guests.

Cleemis is head of the Syro-Malankara Catholic Church, an Indian branch of the faith that is in communion with Roman Catholicism and that traces its roots back to the Thomas the Apostle, who tradition says arrived here in the first century.

The same weekend as the convent school was attacked, activists partly demolished a church being built in the state of Haryana, near Delhi, replacing its cross with a Hindu image.

A few days before the demolition, a member of parliament for Modi’s Hindu nationalist ruling party, Subramanian Swamy, was criticized for saying that churches and mosques were not sacred buildings.

Woman charging £20 for human placenta smoothies investigated by health officials

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Public health officials are investigating a woman who blends human placenta into smoothies for new mothers.

SmoothieKathryn Beale, 41, charges £20 to mothers who supply their own placenta so she can concoct the special elixir by mixing it with fruit and juices.

She travels to the mother to collect the placenta and uses a piece of about 8cm for each drink.

However, she this week found herself on the wrong side of Swindon Borough Council after it applied for a “hygiene emergency prohibition order” to stop her.

The order was refused but Miss Beale has now voluntarily stopped making smoothies, pending a visit from health officials to inspect hygiene standards.

“I understand that they have to make sure that all food business are running safely,” she said.

“I think they have been a bit overzealous in trying to shut me down without doing a full inspection. I believe that I do it safely.”

Other services she offers include drying out the remaining placenta before grinding it down into powder and making it into capsules, which can be swallowed later.

The standard encapsulation service costs £150 while she charges an extra £20 for the smoothie and £60 for a heart-shaped umbilical cord keepsake set in resin.

She added: “I do about two a month and nationwide there is another 50 or so encapsulators offering similar services to myself.

“I have been doing it two years but certainly since I have been doing it has been quite popular.

“There is no eating of anyone else’s placenta. It is all quite tightly controlled, stored properly and chilled.

“Everything has to be cleaned and sterilised and there is quite strict hygiene involved.

“I only prepare placenta smoothies when I am with the mother in her home or at her private hospital room because she needs to drink it straight away.”

A Swindon Borough Council spokeswoman said: “We can confirm public protection officers attended court on March 10 seeking a hygiene emergency prohibition order in respect of raw human placenta practices.

“The order was not granted on this occasion. Our investigations continue and we are therefore unable to comment further at this stage.

“Whilst the health benefits of this activity are not clear, the processes involved in the production of human placenta for human consumption present a number of potentially serious health risks which explains this action.”

Splitting assets during a divorce is usually done by lawyers, not by one half of the couple and a chain saw

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1 2 3 4 5 6Andrew Brooks, 43, caused thousands of pounds of damage when he cut down doors and sawed though furniture while in a furious rage

These pictures show the trail of destruction left by an embittered husband after he went berserk and chopped up his former matrimonial home with a chainsaw.

Former soldier Andrew Brooks, 43, cut down doors and sawed though furniture in a rage after the £150,000 Lake District cottage was put in the name of his estranged wife Bridget, 46.

The father of two, a landscape gardener, had been desperate for revenge and wanted to knock thousands off the value of the rural property in Marton, near Ulverston following the collapse of the couple’s 14 year marriage,

During his £9,000 rampage, Brooks damaged the front and rear external doors to the property, three internal doors and an internal beam, two woodburning stoves, several cupboards and a fireplace.

It occurred following previous incidents in which he repeatedly hounded and harassed Mrs Brooks causing her to change her daily routines such as walking the dog to avoid him. He had been also been banned from contacting her under the terms of a restraining order.

At Preston Crown Court, Brooks, now of Eccles, Greater Manchester, pleaded guilty to criminal damage and was jailed for 46 weeks after pictures of the aftermath of the rampage were showed to Judge Jacqueline Beech.

She told him: “This was an act of revenge or retribution against your former wife who had the courage to leave the abusive relationship she was in with you.”

“During the course of that relationship you were physically and emotionally abusive to her and you made her life a misery.

“You were aggrieved about the separation and the sale of the house and equity. You wanted to reduce the value and prospective of a sale by causing damage to it.

“She has suffered anxiety, panic attacks since the separation from you and has been prescribed medication and has anxiety because by the uncertainty of when you might turn up. ”

She said reports alleged Brooks had shown “no remorse” and that he “continued to blame his wife for the current circumstances”.

She added: “This was a pre-planned offence involving you taking a chainsaw to your former matrimonial home to wreak revenge upon your wife. It was part of the continuing course of conduct whilst there was a restraining order.

“The circumstances of this offence and value of damage caused means an immediate prison sentence is inevitable. Your conduct was towards the mother of your children.”

Earlier the court heard the couple split in September 2011 and on May 8 2014 at the matrimonial court, an order was made transferring ownership of the property to Mrs Brooks’ name.

But Mrs Brooks was said to have had concerns that her former husband would take steps to reduce the value of the property, which at the time was vacant, out of revenge for her being awarded the house.

As a result the locks on the door were changed and the keys were deposited at the police station so that entry could only be gained by going to the station. The house insurance was also increased by Mrs Brooks.

Days later Brooks was seen by a neighbour at the rear of his former address walking around the garden with the chainsaw. He was seen taking the chainsaw in order to remove the panel of the PVC door.

He said that he had lost his keys and didn’t want to change the locks before using the chainsaw to get into the property.

Brooks had been previously handed a restraining order in September 2012 following two offences of harassment and then two further charges of harassment where he received a community order.

The court was told that he had been residing in Manchester with his new partner and his eldest son who he was tutoring in the run up to his GCSEs.

It is believed his younger son lives with his mother. In mitigation, Mr Alexander Langhorn asked for his sentence to be suspended and for him to be credited for his early plea.

He said that upon leaving school at 16 Brooks had worked in a number of fields before joining the Armed Forces, serving with distinction throughout the world.

But upon the birth of his second son he left and had worked as a landscape gardener. He added that his client had been “a positive role model”.

Mr Langhorn said: “He had been very much part of his children’s lives and wanted to do the best for them. He knows he has put them at risk.

“He has been tutoring his son throughout the year, he knows that anything he does now, any sentence he faces, the impact is not only on him but also on his family. It places a double weight.”

He added that he was “a hard worker and provider” and that he had been involved in the community-based Dalton Carnival.

“He is a man who goes out of his way to help others.”

Brooks must also pay a victim surcharge of £100. The restraining order will run until further notice.