Professional Shit Diver Loves His Stinking Job

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Brendan Walsh loves his job, but we can’t imagine how in the world that’s possible. Why? Because he makes a living diving into human crap.

Even if he does get to do it while listening to AC/DC’s “Back in Black,” it still doesn’t seem like the kind of career one could happily pursue.

Walsh runs a company called East West Dive and Salvage in Melbourne, Australia, that specializes in diving below every kind of no-air environment you can imagine, including raw sewage.

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In Australia, sewage isn’t processed with chemicals. Instead, bacteria breaks down the waste in huge motor-driven stirring machines, which often malfunction.

The motors are all in the ponds, and there’s no other way to access them without getting in. And it’s completely black down there, so we have to do everything by feel. Sewage farms take thousands of photos of their site, before they fill up the ponds, so we look carefully at the photos before we get in. The diver then makes the repairs in the dark by talking to the guys above the surface. The dive suits are all connected via radio, so we can provide directions in real time. I love my job and always have. I’m a passionate diver from way back, and I’m a mechanic.

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According to this doo-doo diver, his part of the job isn’t even the worst aspect of the position. It’s actually the dudes who have to clean him off who suffer.

“I’ve never worked a day in my life because I combine my passions. We all do. You can’t do a job well unless you love it,” he says.

So, the next time you think your job totally stinks, you might remember this guy.

Drunk Judge Assaults and Bites Cops Because They’re Not Taxi Drivers

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cop-car-600X300-558x279A judge who was so intoxicated that he mistook a couple of policemen for taxi drivers has been charged with assault after punching and trying to bite the officers because they refused to drive him to his holiday home.

According to Telegraph News, the French judge flagged down a cop car after collecting his three children from his ex-wife’s home in the southern city of Montpellier. He admitted the next day his level of intoxication led him to believe the blue lights meant the cop car was a taxi.

During the incident, the judge declared “I am a deputy presiding judge, take me home!”

Even after the officers told him they were not taxi drivers and tried to reason with him, he hurled insults at them and growing more irate, struck one of the officers in the crotch. He then attempted to bite the second policeman, before being arrested and taken to a police station, where he tried to bite two other cops. The 48-year-old judge, who has not been named was placed in a police cell for the night before being charged with “assaulting persons in a position of public authority” the next day.

Bruno Bartocetti of the police union Unité SGP spoke about the case, saying “It’s truly regrettable that a judge behaved in such a manner, but as far as we are concerned, he’s a citizen like any other and obviously we couldn’t overlook what he did.”

He also said, “Relations between the police and the judiciary are good contrary to what you might think. The judge has admitted what he did.”

In addition to the criminal charges, the judge is also expected to face professional disciplinary proceedings.

Man Set New Wife On Fire For Sleeping With Ex-Lover On Wedding Night

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Ivan Kuzmin has been accused of setting his new bride on fire because she had sex with an ex-lover on their wedding night after he fell asleep.

Veronika-FilippovaAccording to reports, Veronika Filippova, 27, had an affair with an ex-boyfriend after Kuzmin passed out drunk at their wedding reception. She was so consumed with guilt that she later told Kuzmin everything.

This turned out to be a big mistake, because Kuzmin, 30, responded by dousing her with alcohol while she was sleeping. When she woke up and tried to escape, Kuzmin set her on fire with a cigarette lighter.

Filippova was rushed to the hospital with burns to over 80 percent of her body but would die a few hours later. Kuzmin was arrested and has admitted to murdering Filippova. He’s now facing 15 years in prison.

Too bad Kuzmin never admitted to Filippova that he’d once served ten years in prison for the attempted rape and murder an underage girl. Had he, none of this may have ever happened.

Sergey Domnyshev, an investigator in the Kirov district of Volgograd, confirmed Kuzmin was convicted of trying to rape a girl under the age of 18, then trying to destroy evidence by setting the apartment on fire with the girl still inside.

Woman Beat Man, 64, Over Gas Passing

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A South Carolina woman last night pummeled a 64-year-old man after he “passed gas” in her face, according to police who cited both for fighting.

jessicacerneyAccording to a police report, Jessica Cerney, 33, was laying on the couch in a Myrtle Beach residence when Darrell McKnight“came into the house intoxicated and ‘passed gas’ in her face.”

Cerney, seen at right, told police that she left the home to get away from McKnight, but said that he followed her outside. As the two argued over the incident, Cerney said, the cursing McKnight approached her in a “threatening manner.”

Cerney said that when McKnight bent down, she “struck him in the face approximately three times with a closed fist.” The blows left McKnight with a swollen right eye, for which he subsequently received treatment at a local hospital. Cerney, who was not drunk, did not suffer any injuries during the confrontation.

A witness identified as “Ricky” told officers that Cerney and McKnight had been fighting over the gas passing and McKnight’s intoxicated state.

Cerney and McKnight were both issued citations for fighting.

The scariest mugshot you’ll see today

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A McDowell County man was arrested early Saturday morning and charged with allegedly stabbing a friend after a verbal argument turned physical and resulted in the victim receiving multiple stab wounds.

 

53f0b509b7d4a.imageRick J. Jones, 33, of the Frog Level Section of Coalwood, was arrested on charges of malicious wounding, domestic assault, domestic battery and brandishing related to an incident that took place late Friday night, also in Coalwood. Jones appeared for his arraignment on Saturday before McDowell County Magistrate Steve Cox who set his bond at $25,000 cash and property. Jones was being held Saturday evening at the McDowell County holding facility. 

Troopers R.W. Justus and C.A. Dunn, both of the Welch Detachment of the West Virginia State Police, received a call from McDowell County 911 at 10:59 p.m. Friday night concerning a malicious wounding incident in the Coalwood area.

Justus and Dunn responded to the call where they encountered the victim, Kevin Ross, who had suffered multiple lacerations and knife wounds in his lower torso, his left side, his back and the lower part of his right arm. According to Justus’ report of the incident, the victim “had blood covering most of his body.”

The victim and his wife told the troopers that the suspect, Jones, had left the residence before police arrived. According to Justus, the victim and his wife stated that Jones lived with his father, Rick L. Jones, who has a residence in the Frog Level Section of Coalwood. The troopers traveled to the Frog Level residence where Rick L. Jones told the troopers that his son had left the residence about 5 minutes before they arrived, and added that his son was armed with a .40 caliber handgun.

Justus and Dunn were joined by Detective Ron Blevins and Deputy R. Jones, both of the McDowell County Sheriff’s Office and the four officers searched the Coalwood area for Jones. The responding officers eventually returned to the Rick L. Jones residence where they found the suspect and arrested him early Saturday morning.

The McDowell County EMS Authority transported Ross to Welch Community Hospital where he received initial treatment. Ross was later transported by ground to Charleston Area Medical Center.

Justus said that he had heard several possible motives, but did not speculate as to what may have prompted the alleged stabbing. He said that the incident remains under investigation.

 

Woman Allegedly Poisoned Roommates After She Was Caught Having Sex With Dog

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A 53-year-old woman has been arrested after police said she tried to poison her roommate and boyfriend, upset that the boyfriend had broken up with her because she’d been having sex with her roommate’s two German shepherds.

Shari-WaltersSheriff’s deputies said Shari Walters’ roommate walked into a shed in Albuquerque in late July at their shared home and found Walters having sex with one of the animals, according to a criminal complaint filed Thursday in Metropolitan Court. The roommate, who police said was “shocked,” walked back into the home and waited for Walters to return.

Walters returned to the home and admitted having sex with the dog, Spike. The roommate then told Walters’ boyfriend, who broke up with her “because she was having sex with dogs,” the officer wrote in the criminal complaint.

The three were having dinner later that evening, and both the roommate and Walters’ ex-boyfriend said they noticed that the water they were drinking was strangely colored and that the food they were eating tasted different.

Both alleged victims reported some minor symptoms after eating the food, which Walters later told them was laced with toilet bowl cleaner and rubbing alcohol. Walters told her boyfriend she had been having sex with dogs since she was 14 years old, according to the complaint.

Walters was sent to the University of New Mexico Hospital for a mental evaluation, and she’s now being held at the Metropolitan Detention Center on $20,000 cash bail. She’s facing charges of animal cruelty and assault with the intent to commit a violent felony.

A veterinarian examined both animals and found minor injuries, as well as “unusual symptoms” in one of the dogs that could indicate sexual abuse, according to the criminal complaint.

The roommate and ex-boyfriend require additional medical treatment as a result of having ingested the chemicals, according to the complaint.

Cops ‘left mom’s sex toys’ in 5-year-old daughter’s bedroom

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A mortified Queens couple says NYPD cops ransacked their home — and left the wife’s sex toys dumped in their 5-year-old daughter’s bedroom — during a 2012 investigation.

shutterstock_136015916In a lawsuit filed in Brooklyn federal court on Friday, James and Gina Goldring say the cops left the naughty items behind after spending hours in the home probing the dad’s accidental shooting of their teenage son.

The cops were furious that Gina told James to keep his mouth shut, the lawsuit alleges. “Sexually oriented merchandise sold by plaintiff Gina Goldring in a part-time job with a company called Passion Parties were removed from plaintiff’s bedroom and placed in plain view in the 5-year-old’s bedroom,” the suit states.

In allegedly wreaking havoc on the Hollis home, the officers also crushed electronic tablets, stepped on toy train sets, poured out cereal, broke a “muffin maker,” dumped cinnamon spice on the kitchen counter, pulverized a night-light and left out frozen steaks and fish to rot, the suit says.

The cops allegedly swiped $680 in cash — all while snipping cable wires and stomping an Xbox.

The damage occurred after James, a barber, shot their 14-year-old son that May while moving three unregistered firearms from a closet to a garage, according to the suit.

The distraught dad was ready to talk to investigators — but his wife, who was with their wounded son at Long Island Jewish Hospital, told him by phone not to say anything, the suit states.

Annoyed officers informed the husband that he had chosen poorly, the court papers say.

“So you’re lawyered up?” they asked him, according to the suit. “All bets are off. We’re tossing your house and arresting your wife.”

James Goldring was eventually charged with endangering the welfare of a child and served 30 days of community service, according to court papers. Gina Goldring pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct.

The couple said in their suit that the cops’ harassment of them didn’t even stop after the ransacking of their home.

They busted James’ barber-shop customers for loitering and cited him for not sweeping up hair and having uncovered garbage cans, the suit states. With customers scared off, Goldring said he was forced to close in June.

Goldring declined to comment on Friday. His lawyer, Alan Levine, didn’t return a phone call. They are seeking unspecified damages. The city Law Department said it hadn’t been served with the papers.

Good Lord: Woman Eats 72-Ounce (4.5-Lb) Steak In 3-Min

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This is a video of 125-pound competitive eater Molly Schuyler devouring a 72-ounce (4.5-pound) steak in under 3-minutes, beating the previous record by almost four minutes. Molly also holds the record for eating the Texas King (a 72-ounce steak plus bread roll with butter, baked potato, ranch beans, shrimp cocktail, and salad) in under five minutes (and then does another, finishing both meals in 14-minutes 57-seconds!) She is a beast

Man Accused Of Choking Kitten, Injecting It With Heroin

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James-MeyersThe Chester County SPCA is reaching out to the public for donations to help with the medical costs for a kitten allegedly given heroin.

The eight-month-old kitten was found Sunday. Its neck was bound by a rope and the animal was bleeding from its face. Several teeth had also been knocked out, and it appeared the kitten had been dragged and/or slammed into the ground.

Police also found several bundles of heroin, hundreds of used bags of heroin, 46 hypodermic needles, rope that matched the rope used on the kitten’s neck and a small box with cat feces in it.

The suspect, 24-year-old James Myers, was arrested.

Though officials at the SPCA say there was discussion about euthanizing the kitten, now named Hope, due to its condition, the veterinarian decided to administer Narcan, the same substance given to humans who overdose on heroin. The kitten’s condition immediately improved.

Newborn Alive After Mom Put Him In Trash With Tampon Applicator In His Mouth

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Police have arrested a woman they say abandoned her newborn in a building’s bathroom.

Briana-Holland22-year-old Briana Holland of Indianapolis was arrested around 5AM Saturday morning on Neglect of a Dependent charges. Detectives believe Holland gave birth in the building’s bathroom and left the baby behind. The male child is in good condition at Riley Hospital and in the custody of DCS case workers.

Holland was taken to the Arrestee Processing Center for processing and is awaiting official charges from the Marion County Prosecutor’s Office.