Big Curly Poops Ask To Be Freed From Butt Prison In Nasty Dulcolax Laxative Ad

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Talk about irregular. A new ad for Dulcolax laxative features turd-headed characters stuck in what appears to be an anal prison.

“Only you can set them free,” the caption reads.

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AdWeek wrote that the poop prisoners looked like “stinky love children of the Michelin Man and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Turdles).” At least they’re cuter than the Golgothan excrement demon in Kevin Smith’s “Dogma.”

Either way, they’re pretty icky.

The ads reportedly ran in Singapore newspapers and at bus stops. “Instead of approaching the dramatization from the patient’s [point of view], we approached it from the excrement’s,” the agency behind the campaign, McCann Health, said in the trade publication.

Old news: Upskirt photos. New news: Upskirt panty removal

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355555An Alexandria man is in jail on charges that he sexually battered a woman inside a CVS Pharmacy Wednesday.

Alexandria police were called to the pharmacy in the 3100 block of Duke Street about 2:30 p.m. and arrested Abayneh Yemer, 25.

Police say Yemer reached under the woman’s skirt and tried to remove her underwear.

Yemer is charged with sexual battery and attempted object penetration and was held without bond.

Woman plucks, eats raw bird on Montreal subway

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Montreal police are looking for a woman who shocked commuters by plucking and eating a raw bird on a moving subway train.

1297587458017_ORIGINALOne disgusted passenger filmed the scene in the subway, known as the metro, and posted the video to YouTube. He said the incident took place on July 1.

The clip shows a young woman seated in the metro car and wearing a bikini top and miniskirt. She can be seen leaning over a plastic bag, taking small items out of it.

Several passengers who approach her are seen quickly walking away with looks of shock on their faces.

“I’m going to vomit,” the man who was videoing the scene can be heard saying. Moments later he added: “And she’s eating it! She’s eating it!”

Montreal police are trying to find the woman, whose face can’t be seen in the clip.

“We’ll start by finding her, then doing an interview with her,” police spokesman Manuel Couture told QMI Agency.

“Then we’ll see if we’ll go for psychiatric care, criminal (charges), or both.”

There is no law against plucking and eating a raw bird in the metro, but Couture says the woman could still face criminal charges.

“Given that it visibly upset people, we consider it to be disturbing the peace,” said the police spokesman.

Perhaps storing your methadone in a baby bottle is not the best idea

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4304337_GA Johnston mother faces felony child abuse charges after police say she accidently fed her baby from a bottle she had used to store methadone.

Police say the 6-month-old girl was unresponsive when she was brought to Hasbro Children’s Hospital on July 10th, but has recovered.

They say 27-year-old Carissa Manning told them she accidently mixed baby formula with her prescription drug in the bottle. She called 911 after the girl become cold and would not wake up.

Manning was arraigned Wednesday and released on a promise to appear in court on Sept. 24. She also was ordered to have no contact with her daughter, who has been placed with another relative.

Manning has no listed phone number and an attempt to reach her for comment Friday was not successful.

Man Beat His Two Cats To Death With Golf Club Because They Betrayed Him

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An Erie man pleaded guilty Monday in Erie County Court to beating his two cats to death with a golf club.

Christopher-BisbeeChristopher J. Bisbee, 32, pleaded guilty to one second-degree misdemeanor count of cruelty to animals in a plea deal that dropped an additional cruelty to animals count.

According to court records, Bisbee attacked the cats after one of them scratched him. He told investigators he felt “betrayed” by the animals.

He said he “struck both cats numerous times with a golf club until they no longer were moving.”

As part of the agreement, Assistant District Attorney Mark Richmond said, Bisbee, of the 900 block of Pennsylvania Avenue, may not own any domestic animals while serving his sentence. He also must pay $263 restitution to the Humane Society of Northwestern Pennsylvania.

The charge carries a maximum penalty of two years in prison and a $5,000 fine. Sentencing is set for Oct. 7 before Judge Shad Connelly.

Bisbee’s lawyer, Stephen Sebald, said Bisbee waived his right to a preliminary hearing and applied to the Accelerated Rehabilitative Disposition program, a special probation program for nonviolent first-time offenders, but he was denied admission.

Bisbee also “proactively sought mental health counseling,” Sebald said. A report from Bisbee’s doctor will be submitted to the court before sentencing, Sebald said.

Erie County Detective Greg Acri filed the charges after an investigation by Humane Society Animal Enforcement Officer Merle Wolfgang.

Wolfgang said a tip triggered the investigation. According to the criminal complaint, several peo ple at Bis bee’s residence implicated Bisbee in the animals’ deaths.

She retrieved the cats’ bodies from Bisbee’s trash June 25, 2013, and discovered that they had “apparent trauma to their heads.”

An examination at the North East Animal Hospital indicated the cause of death was “focused blunt force trauma to the head.”

In an interview with investigators in August, Bisbee admitted he had killed the cats.

“I am glad one of the charges stuck.” Wolfgang said Monday. “If there are mental health issues, I am glad he is getting some help.”

Man Sentenced For Beating Toddler To Death While Trying To Turn Her Gay

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An attorney called his client “deranged” just before a judge sentenced the man to prison for biting and beating his two-year-old daughter to death in what officials said was an attempt to make her gay.

Donovan-HaynesGenesee Circuit Judge Joseph J. Farah said Monday, July 21, that the allegations against Donovan Lamar Haynes were “astonishing” and among the most unconscionable he’s heard during his time on the bench.

Haynes, 23, was sentenced Monday to 18 years, 9 months to 40 years in prison after pleading no contest to second-degree murder for the beating death of his daughter, Ti’Airra Woodward. A no contest plea is not an admission of guilt but is treated as such at sentencing.

Farah also sentenced him to serve a concurrent 5-15 years in prison for first-degree child abuse.

The sentence was agreed to by both sides as part of the plea agreement.

Genesee County Prosecutor David Leyton said the victim’s family was in agreement with the agreement.

Before Farah handed down his sentence, he read briefly from a pre-sentence investigation report that outlined the circumstances surrounding the girl’s death.

The report claimed that Haynes beat the girl in an attempt to turn her gay in hopes that she would avoid men like him, who had a history of treating women poorly.

“You don’t beat her in hopes she’s going to turn gay,” Farah said, adding that Haynes should have used his own life experience to teach his daughter how to avoid problem men.

The judge said Haynes also beat the girl in an attempt to toughen her up.

However, Farah added Haynes’ actions made it so no one would ever have to worry about the girl being tough.

“Dad took care of that,” Farah said. “He took care of it in one fell swoop.”

Ti’Airra was pronounced dead at Hurley Medical Center after she stopped breathing at a home on Donal Drive in Flint Township in what police call a child abuse case.

A medical examiner’s report indicated she died of internal bleeding from a lacerated liver.

Adult human bite marks were also found all over the girl’s body, police said.

Prosecutors said Ti’Airra was found unresponsive in the basement of Haynes’ mother’s Flint Township home.

Attorney Elbert Hatchett, who represented Haynes, had strong words for the man he was hired to represent.

“This case is a case that defies reason, logic, common sense,” Hatchett said. “(It’s a) tragedy to see the life of an innocent child snuffed out for no reason at all.”

Hatchett said Haynes is “deranged” and that he needs to undergo psychological counseling while in prison.

“I don’t have any sympathy for him,” Hatchett said of his client. “Hopefully, judge, he will repent.”

Ti’Airra’s mother, Nakeesha Woodward, left the court in tears after briefly addressing Farah before Haynes was sentenced. She returned to the courtroom in time to hear her daughter’s killer get sentenced to prison.

“I lost a child,” a tearful Woodward said as she lobbied Farah for a stiff maximum sentence.

State sentencing guidelines would have allowed Haynes to be sentenced to more than 31 years in prison if a jury convicted him of second-degree murder, according to Farah.

Haynes also initially faced charges of open murder, first-degree murder and torture that could have earned him life in prison without parole if convicted.

Before being sentenced to prison, Haynes attempted to withdraw his no contest plea.

Haynes told Farah that he felt his attorney could have secured a plea agreement that included less prison time.

He addressed the court briefly before Farah handed down his sentence, thanking his family for their support and the court’s time in hearing his case.

Hatchett, however, said that his client was being pressured by family members to take the case to trial rather than go forward with the plea agreement.

“There is no likelihood — none — that he would be found not guilty by a jury of his peers,” Hatchett said.

However, Leyton said his office pursued the plea agreement after flaws developed with the case.

“We had some concerns about the testimony of a key witness,” Leyton said.

Farah refused to let Haynes withdraw his plea, saying that a withdrawal was not in the interest of justice.

“I felt that he was playing with the court,” Woodward said. “He has no remorse.”

Study ‘Says’ Sniffing Farts Is Good For You, But Something Doesn’t Smell Right

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Forget “silent but deadly.” How about “rank but restorative”?

r-FART-600x275Media sites recently reported news that delighted flatulence lovers: Scientists had published a study that said smelling farts is good for you. The only problem was, reports on the study kinda … stunk.

Here’s what happened.

Researchers at the University of Exeter said the hydrogen sulfide that we emit when we cut the cheese protects mitochondria, which are the cell’s “power producers.” Dr. Mark Wood, a researcher at Exeter, explained that hydrogen sulfide is the stinky component of passing gas “and could in fact be a healthcare hero with significant implications for future therapies for a variety of diseases.”

Somehow that was taken to mean that smelling farts could ward off harmful diseases.

But read the following before you start pounding down dried apricots and baked beans: The Guardian pointed out that the study never mentions that smelling your farts is healthy. And NBC News reinforced the skepticism.

Still, that won’t stop us from having some fun — and a little hope.

Revenge Rape Sanctioned by Village Council in India

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A 14-year-old girl from the Bokaro District in Jharkhand, India, was raped in retaliation for a sexual assault committed by her brother. Adding to the horror of the experience, the rape was allegedly authorized by the village panchayat, or local council, as adequate retaliation for the brother’s misconduct.

rapeAccording to the girl, the man arrived at her house after midnight with his wife, who dragged her out of her abode and tossed her over to the assailant. “She handed me over to her husband and told him to take me away to a nearby forest and rape me,” she said.

“We kept begging them. We begged with folded hands, but they would not listen. They dragged her away to the forest,” the girl’s mother said.

The assailant, identified as Nakabandi Passi, as well as Ghosala Passi — the village head — have been arrested and are currently awaiting trial. “They attacked her in retaliation and we are taking this case very seriously,” said Jitendra Singh, a top local police official. The girl’s brother has also been arrested on charges of molestation. All three of them have pleaded not guilty.

Village councils are often the only source of justice in rural areas of India. Deeply conservative in nature, the panchayat has the authority to decree on any subject of their choosing. Most of their rulings, however, enforce strict social norms about marriage and gender roles.

Even though the Indian Supreme Court recently ruled that no individuals or institutions can infringe on human rights, local village councils seem to operate with a different set of rules. “We make the decisions…and we never make mistakes,” said Sukhbir Singh, former village head of Reelkha.

Loving couple finds home for their 22-year-old autistic twin boys (in their basement with no furniture or electricity)

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A couple have been arrested on charges they locked up their 22-year-old autistic twin sons in the dungeon-like basement of their home.

compo-2-400x240-20140722-105014-460The Washington Post reported the basement had no furniture and no electricity, just a duvet on the floor. It said the room smelled of urine and had only a small window.

The newspaper cited police records in Montgomery County, Maryland, and identified the couple as 57-year-old John Land and 59-year-old Janice Land.

Reports said they were charged with abuse of vulnerable adult and attempted false imprisonment.

The door to the basement was reportedly locked with a deadbolt.

According to the Post and local TV station WJLA, the suspects said their sons were “non-verbal” and could only communicate by pointing at objects.

John Land reportedly told police that his sons would sometimes try to run away and that is why he and his wife started locking them up.

Police discovered the basement by chance as they went to the house on an unrelated matter.

Man Left Kids In Hot Car To Have Sex With Woman Behind Apartment

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The father of one-year-old twin girls was charged with two counts of felony child endangerment and indecent exposure after police found his babies alone in a car parked in a driveway, with the windows down, outside a Prince George County duplex.

Juan-MunfordThe father, 27-year-old Juan Munford, was about 30 feet away from the car. He was having sex with a woman behind the building, police said.

“We went around to the back of the duplex and discovered a male and a female engaging in sexual intercourse,” Prince George Police Capt. Brian Kei said. “At that point they [police] made contact with the individual who identified himself as the father of the two twins.”

Police charged the woman with incident exposure. She was released on scene.

The children were taken to Southside Regional Medical Center as a precaution and placed in the custody of child protective services.

Neighbors along the 7900 block of Bull Hill Rd. called police after hearing the children’s cries Friday morning.

“Not only your own kids, but look out for any kid in the neighborhood,” Capt. Kei said.

Munford will spend the weekend in jail before an initial court hearing next week.