Woman Finds Vaginal Leakage Caused by Cock Ring Left Inside for Weeks

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A tip for those of you trying out sexual accoutrements for the first, second or 75th time: When the fun is over, search deep within yourself to ascertain that none of the fun has been left behind. Because some things, cock rings especially, can stay with you far longer than you’d think. Even longer than a month.

For one woman, this holiday season has already brought one miracle: The realization that whatever horrifying things were coming out of her vagina were not caused by cancer or an STD, but by a neglected cock ring, sad, alone, and full of germs that she’d forgotten to take out of her vagina. Or, I guess, that she never knew was in her vagina in the first place. And apparently it was so far up there that she couldn’t even feel it until it started rotting and releasing a putrid white discharge from her vaginal orifice. This is her story, via Reddit:

We were fooling around with my boyfriend and he started fingering me. Suddenly he goes like “uhhh.. ummm.. Is this normal?” And asked me to feel it by myself.

I almost peed myself from fear. I couldn’t understand for the life of me what was this thing inside of me. I actually was feeling the opening of the cock ring.. When not stretched its diameter can perfectly fit a finger.

I thought it was my fucking cervix. I though it inflamed and fell down or something. I started to panic. You see, the cock ring it soft and pliable, but firmer than anything that could be inside me.

First of all, that is pretty much the scariest thing that could happen during sex with the one you love. I’d like to think that if my partner and I were engaging in a pleasurable sexual exchange he’d have the decency to wait until after we were done to point out any polyps or growths, but some people just don’t know what appropriate boundaries are. One point to this woman’s boyfriend for being caring; minus one point for freaking her out during sex. Sex is already all weird and pressur-ey, you know? I’m so focused on keeping my stomach held in the entire time that I can’t even imagine what it would look like if I suddenly got frightened? (I wish there was some kind of invisible girdle you could wear during sex. I would buy such girld.e )

Then I remembered. Flashback to Halloween. We got shipped this set of 5 cock rings. It was funny and exciting. We were giggling all the way from the post office. And of course we immediately decided to try them out.

My SO put on two at the same time. And it began. Fun and giggles.. And suddenly his roommate came home. We scrambled and in the haste of things not me, not my SO noticed that one ring was missing.

Pro-tip: don’t put two of those things on at the same time. It will not enhance pleasure. Source: experience. Since condoms were covered by his flex spending at the time, we bought like 40 packs and then tried to use them all. Yes, you can buy the ones with the vibrating rings with flex spending! No, you can’t buy a defibrillator — he had to return that. I was kind of sad because I like making grilled cheese sandwiches.

Here’s what this woman’s cock ring looked like when it went into her vagina:

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And here’s what she says it looked like when it came out:

So when I finally and fearfully pulled that thing out it was fucking disgusting. It was sort of transparent. When we bought it it was fucking PURPLE. It was covered and filled with this white discharge. Like mayo or liquefied cottage. Blech. Gross as fuck. To my surprise the smell was OK. Not bad, just neutral.

But don’t take her word for it. There is, of course, a photo:

wtxrydczrxxsv3bptbirChewed up and smelling like mayo! (Which, coincidentally is the title of my upcoming autobiography available from Hyperion press in 2015.)

There are some things to be taken away from this story. First, “listen to your body” because your body talks (according to Olivia Newton-John, at least); second, “count what goes in and out of your body.” That’s pretty sound advice. It’s like in preschool where you have to make sure all the blocks are in the right spaces before you can go out for recess, except this is more like “make sure there’s nothing so deep in you that you can’t even feel it before you go into the other room to play Xbox or fall asleep.”

Sound advice!

Starla McCabe Accused Of Selling Nude Photos Of Her 5-Year-Old Daughter

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A mother with a history of drug abuse is accused of taking and selling nude photos of her grade school-aged child.

1453351Starla Rae McCabe, 45, of Perry, was charged Dec. 4 in 1st District Court with 10 counts of sexual exploitation of a minor, a second-degree felony.

In March, a relative discovered nude photographs of the child on the child’s Nintendo DSI, according to a search warrant affidavit. Three days later, the child was interviewed by the Division of Child and Family Services and told a caseworker that McCabe had taken “loads” of pictures of the child “without any clothes on,” the affidavit states.

The child told investigators that the “mother would then show the pictures to men,” according to the affidavit. The child also said the mother “printed the pictures and sold them to people for $100,” another court document states.

The Nintendo was turned over to the Garland City Police Department, which turned it over to the Box Elder County Sheriff’s Office in November. A total of 19 pornographic pictures were found on the Nintendo, police said.

McCabe was interviewed by detectives on Nov. 26. She told investigators she took pictures of her child’s genitals to show the child “what it looks like,” then declined to answer other questions about the photos, a detective wrote.

According to court records, she pleaded guilty in April to drug possession, a third-degree felony, attempted child endangerment and possession of drug paraphernalia.

In May, McCabe was given a suspended prison sentenced and placed on 36 months of probation. As part of her probation she was ordered to undergo drug addiction treatment.

In that case, the Box Elder County Sheriff’s Office served a search warrant on McCabe’s residence in Garland and found “a complete drug kit, including syringes and meth” in the bathroom, according to a probable cause statement filed in 1st District Court.

Meth was also located in a drawer of a computer stand in the living room, according to court documents. A child was found sleeping on a couch next to the stand. It was not known if it was the same child who is the alleged victim in the current sexual exploitation case.

After her arrest on the new charges, a judge found her in violation of her probation and ordered her held in the Box Elder County Jail pending her next hearing.

McCabe also pleaded guilty to two counts of attempted endangerment of a child or elderly adult and possession of drug paraphernalia in 2010. She was ordered at that time to complete drug and mental health treatment. Six months after she was sentenced, McCabe was found to be in violation of her probation, according to court records.

In 2009, a man took out a protective order against McCabe for an undisclosed reason, according to court records. In 2006, she was convicted of child abuse and placed on 36 months probation and ordered to undergo random drug testing as well as complete drug and mental health treatment. McCabe was also ordered to complete a parenting class. Six months later she was found to be in violation of her probation.

Why Are You So Damn Scared Of Nipples?

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Today, in the USA it is ILLEGAL for a woman to be topless in 37 of the 50 states.

n-LINA-ESCO-large300In some places that includes breastfeeding. In less tolerant places like Louisiana, a woman exposing her nipples can carry a sentence of up to three years in jail and a $2,500 fine.

In New York City, in 1992 it became LEGAL for women to be topless in public, but the NYPD continued to arrest women, so we took to the streets with cameras and our cast to fight these Puritanical injustices first hand.

By the end the production, Free The Nipple morphed into a “real life” revolution that transcended the bounds of mere entertainment. Famous graffiti artists, mobs of dedicated women, and celebrities from Miley Cyrus to Liv Tyler and Lena Dunham jumped on board and ignited a national media blitz that has transformed into a powerful movement to Free The Nipple in America.

Natasha Johnson Accused Of Pouring Hot Chocolate On Her Estranged Husband, Two Children

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A local mom was arrested Tuesday after allegedly throwing hot chocolate on her husband and two kids.

Natasha-JohnsonAccording to documents, Natasha Johnson, 29, was fighting with her  estranged husband in the car with their two daughters in the back.

Police say that the fight escalated and Johnson threw hot chocolate at him, splashing the girls, causing them second and third degree burns.

Johnson was charged with two counts child endangering and domestic violence Wednesday. Her bond is set at $20,000.

Joseph Blocker Arrested After Son Found Dead, Injured In Washing Machine

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A four-year-old boy who was found dead inside a Garland home on Tuesday afternoon and his father was arrested on a charge of capital murder.

Joseph-BlockerPolice said Joseph Blocker called 911 to report that his son, Koda Blocker, was unconscious.

The child was dead when first responders arrived at the residence in the 2400 block of Newcastle Drive. Police said Blocker, 28, was home alone with Koda and a 22-month-old child.

A Garland man is under arrest for capital murder after his son was found dead at their home.

Detectives aren’t releasing many details, but they believe the family’s front-loader washing machine played a part in a little boy’s death, saying his injuries appears to be consistent with having been inside the appliance.

“From what we know about the washing machine … that door has to be shut, and then someone has to push a button on the outside to get that started,” said police spokesman Officer Joe Harn. “It does not start by automatically shutting that door.”

The washing machine has been seized as evidence. Blocker’s friends are asking people not to be too quick to judge.

“There’s no way he could have done this,” said Michael Dorfman, who described himself as a close friend of Blockers and one of the victim’s former babysitters. “It had to have been an accident somehow,” he said.

Dorfman says he and Blocker’s family believe whatever happened inside the house was a tragic accident. He says they are confident more facts will be uncovered soon.

“I can’t even imagine what he’s going through,” Dorfman said regarding Blocker. “Not only losing a child, but being locked up for it too, with no answer as to hey, this is what happened, and still being behind bars.That’s got to be brutal.”

Detectives from Garland Police Department are waiting on the Dallas County Medical Examiner’s Office to complete an autopsy on the child. Police say this remains an ongoing investigation.

Police said Blocker is cooperating with the investigation, but they’re waiting on the medical examiner’s report to help them understand what really happened in the house on Newcastle Drive.

Blocker was being held at the Garland Detention Center on $500,000 bond.

Man acquitted in bad haircut spat

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A Wood Dale man who pointed a BB gun at a barber after a “disappointing” haircut was acquitted Monday of assault and gun charges.

UntitledThere was no proof Anthony Oplinger, 19, knowingly and unlawfully used a BB gun when he pointed it at a Bensenville barber, Judge Thomas Else ruled following a bench trial.

The judge said Oplinger could “easily tell this is a BB gun.”

Barber David Capales testified that about 5 p.m. on Nov. 12, 2013 he was napping in a rear break room of the Barber Lounge, 453 West Irving Park Road in Bensenville, when a customer from earlier in the day woke him up by showing him a gun.

Prosecutors said Oplinger of Wood Dale was a weekly customer for about two years. When he came in for a trim on this day, Capales said he told Oplinger his normal stylist was unavailable and offered to do a trim.

“Throughout the haircut he was telling me how to do my job and how I could change a natural hairline,” Capales said. “Afterward he told me he was displeased with my services and I offered him a refund.”

Capales said a few hours later, Oplinger, dressed in a dark hoodie, sat in a chair facing him with his hand clutching a gun in his lap.

“I was groggy but as I woke up, he said, ‘What’s up bro?'” Capales said. “He was angry.”

Capales said another barber entered the break room after several minutes of hearing their heated discussion and told them to “take it outside.”

Once outside, Capales said, he was able to calm Oplinger down and persuade him to leave.

The shop owner later called police and gave them Oplinger’s name, leading to his arrest.

Capales said he felt “nervous, defenseless and intimidated” by the situation.