9.4-Million Calorie Bathroom Set Made Out Of Chocolate

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“As a consequence of shoppers searching for ‘bathroom sweets’ we decided to answer their search, literally,” Bathrooms.com CEO Ian Monk said in a press release. “Our very own exclusive chocolate bathroom suite, based on our Maderno range, was initially a bit of fun, but once we realized it was possible to actually make we knew we decided to buy Bathroomsweets.com and list the product.”

Bidet – $11,700 Sink – $15,000 Toilet – $23,400 Tub – $83,600
 
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Man Calls 911 When Stripper Won’t Have Sex With Him

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Who’d turn down a guy like this?

r-WILLIAM-600x275William McDaniel, 53, was arrested Saturday night after he allegedly called police to complain that a stripper would not have sex with him, according to The Smoking Gun.

McDaniel had been visiting Sagebrush Sam’s in Butte, Montana, where police say he gave a woman $350 for a private dance. The dance ended abruptly when McDaniel allegedly became “sexually aggressive” towards the dancer, law enforcement told The Montana Standard.

Unhappy that his advances were denied, the man allegedly called 911 to inform authorities that the woman would not have sex with him.

Authorities responded by charging McDaniel with soliciting prostitution, accordion to KTVQ.

Butte-Silver Bow Undersheriff George Skuletich told The Montana Standard that McDaniel felt he was “ripped off” and “assumed he paid the $350 for sexual acts that didn’t occur.”

Rule #1: To be a successful fugitive – Don’t crash into any police cars

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A man who rear-ended a Spokane police detective in downtown Spokane Tuesday afternoon was arrested after police discovered he was wanted on two warrants.

The detective, who is not being identified, was stopped in traffic heading west on Second Avenue at Jefferson Street when he was hit from behind just before 12:30 p.m. “He was definitely not at fault,” said police spokeswoman Monique Cotton. “Even though he was injured, he got out and assisted at the scene.”

The driver who hit him has been identified as Roman I. Ryakhovskaya, 24. He was wanted on warrants for driving under the influence and domestic violence assault. He has been cited for driving with a suspended license and may also be cited for following too close, Cotton said.

The detective was treated at a local hospital for minor injuries, Cotton said. The detective has been with the department for many years and has previously been involved in two car crashes while on duty. In both cases he was hit by a drunk driver and was not at fault, Cotton said.

Pro-tip: When you are meeting your probation officer, do not meet the officer in a stolen electric shopping cart

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An Albuquerque man was being held in the Bernalillo County Jail Tuesday after police said he drove a stolen electric shopping cart to meet with this probation officer.

Martcart_XtiCourt Documents say Michael Johnson, 18, arrived to meet with his probation officer on Monday at the Metropolitan Courthouse on an electric shopping cart from Walmart.

The probation officer asked Johnson where he got the cart, to which Johnson said he “took it from the Walmart on San Mateo and Zuni,” the documents say.

Johnson was arrested and charged with larceny and receiving stolen property. He violated his probation when he was arrested and is being held on a $500 bond.

Albuquerque police made the arrest and said Tuesday that the cart could have been put to better use.

“The cart was worth over $1,800, and certainly it could have been used by those who needed it more than this man,” APD spokesman Tanner Tixier said.

The best sex tips you’ll ever hear — from a man with no penis

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Leave it to a man with no penis to school the Internet on sexual intimacy. That’s what happened when a man who allegedly lost part of his genitals in a childhood accident took to Reddit toanswer questions about life without a phallus.

gZdrmUuUnder the evocative screen name “penisindoor,” he claimed that at age 12 he put his erect member through a door crack to tease his buddies and one of them — a friend who was, in “penisindoor’s” words, unfamiliar with the basic laws of physics — slammed it shut. After a trip to the hospital, he says he was left with just the stump of his penis, fully intact testicles and a rerouted urethral opening. (He provided photographic evidence, if you’re interested.) The 30-something-year-old is fully capable of orgasm and ejaculation, he says. And, no, the absence of a penis does not prevent him from having sex with his girlfriend.

This last bit came as a shocking revelation to some redditors. How, they wanted to know. Sex equals penis in vagina, right? How can you have sex without a penis?! “I still have part of my shaft under there which still has nerve endings,” he wrote in response. “Use your imagination for the rest.” He added, importantly, “Any loving couple can be intimate.” Those just might be two of the best sex tips around: 1) Use your imagination, and 2) Any loving couple can be intimate. Seriously, sit with that for a minute. So much energy is spent trying to gather wisdom on being “good at” sex. From puberty on, we develop encyclopedic knowledge of all the many positions and moves two or more people can do. We agonize about our anatomy: Is my penis too small? Is my vagina tight enough? Are my boobs big enough?

Great sex is so much simpler than all that — and “penisindoor” has that figured out. Don’t get me wrong: Penises are great. They’re super awesome. Indeed, “penisindoor” misses his enough that he’s hoping to get an experimental and risky penile transplant — and best of luck to him. But his story shows that sexual pleasure and intimacy are way bigger than any dick could ever be. Relatedly, a study just came out finding that lesbians and men of all sexual orientations experience more orgasms than heterosexual women. (We needed science to tell us this?) It just goes to show that penis-in-vagina sex is just one kind of sex, and that it certainly isn’t inherently the most mutually pleasurable kind.

Sex therapist Ian Kerner told me, “As a culture, we are very much caught up in the ‘intercourse-discourse’ which privileges penis-vagina sex over other forms of sex-play, but there are many pleasure-paths worth exploring,” he said. “Between a creative, caring sexual mind and a fully functional penis, the former will more consistently generate orgasms than the latter.” And, for the record, sexual pleasure is not all that uncommon in extreme cases of injury like this one. “Orgasm and ejaculation are separate processes and even men with severe spinal injuries are known to experience the former, so it’s not at all unlikely that this man would be able to experience the pleasurable sensations of gratifying sex in his own particular way,” says Kerner.

I showed the AMA to Debby Herbenick, a sex research at the Kinsey Institute, and she loved “penisindoor’s” perspective. “We all have things we cannot change in life whether it’s our body shape or our age, or that we’re all aging, or our breast asymmetry or an STI or a special interest,” says Herbenick, author of “Sex Made Easy: Your Awkward Questions Answered — For Better, Smarter, Amazing Sex.” “Whether we approach this feeling ‘stuck’ or from a perspective of possibility is a huge part of it.” She added, “Knowing that openness and imagination are important is valuable, as is understanding that intimacy is about more than parts. Arousal is about more than parts.”

Speaking of intimacy, “penisindoor” honored his girlfriend’s request that he keep the details of their sex life private. He gamely answered redditors questions unless they veered into territory his girlfriend was uncomfortable with. What a man, eh?

Now, all this comes with a great big caveat: His story has yet to be verified, his original post has been taken down and he didn’t respond to my requests for an interview — so who knows just how legit it is. But whoever “penisindoor” is, he exhibited a startlingly enlightened view of sex, the kind you rarely ever see in online forums filled with identity-obscuring screen names. It’s a welcome reminder in our dick-obsessed culture that sex can happen without a penis. Oh, also?Not all men have penises.

Farmworkers kill colleague with oranges

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1672617507Two men have been arrested after they allegedly assaulted a farmworker with oranges until he died on a farm outside Tzaneen, Limpopo police said on Wednesday.

The men, aged 27 and 30, were taken into custody on Tuesday, said Lt-Col Moatshe Ngoepe.

“Babanto Chauke, 38, and two men had a quarrel, the two [allegedly] started throwing loose oranges at him until he died.”

The men were Chauke’s colleagues at Lakota Farm. They would appear in the Tzaneen Magistrate’s Court on Wednesday, Ngoepe said.

Professional Shit Diver Loves His Stinking Job

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Brendan Walsh loves his job, but we can’t imagine how in the world that’s possible. Why? Because he makes a living diving into human crap.

Even if he does get to do it while listening to AC/DC’s “Back in Black,” it still doesn’t seem like the kind of career one could happily pursue.

Walsh runs a company called East West Dive and Salvage in Melbourne, Australia, that specializes in diving below every kind of no-air environment you can imagine, including raw sewage.

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In Australia, sewage isn’t processed with chemicals. Instead, bacteria breaks down the waste in huge motor-driven stirring machines, which often malfunction.

The motors are all in the ponds, and there’s no other way to access them without getting in. And it’s completely black down there, so we have to do everything by feel. Sewage farms take thousands of photos of their site, before they fill up the ponds, so we look carefully at the photos before we get in. The diver then makes the repairs in the dark by talking to the guys above the surface. The dive suits are all connected via radio, so we can provide directions in real time. I love my job and always have. I’m a passionate diver from way back, and I’m a mechanic.

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According to this doo-doo diver, his part of the job isn’t even the worst aspect of the position. It’s actually the dudes who have to clean him off who suffer.

“I’ve never worked a day in my life because I combine my passions. We all do. You can’t do a job well unless you love it,” he says.

So, the next time you think your job totally stinks, you might remember this guy.

Drunk Judge Assaults and Bites Cops Because They’re Not Taxi Drivers

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cop-car-600X300-558x279A judge who was so intoxicated that he mistook a couple of policemen for taxi drivers has been charged with assault after punching and trying to bite the officers because they refused to drive him to his holiday home.

According to Telegraph News, the French judge flagged down a cop car after collecting his three children from his ex-wife’s home in the southern city of Montpellier. He admitted the next day his level of intoxication led him to believe the blue lights meant the cop car was a taxi.

During the incident, the judge declared “I am a deputy presiding judge, take me home!”

Even after the officers told him they were not taxi drivers and tried to reason with him, he hurled insults at them and growing more irate, struck one of the officers in the crotch. He then attempted to bite the second policeman, before being arrested and taken to a police station, where he tried to bite two other cops. The 48-year-old judge, who has not been named was placed in a police cell for the night before being charged with “assaulting persons in a position of public authority” the next day.

Bruno Bartocetti of the police union Unité SGP spoke about the case, saying “It’s truly regrettable that a judge behaved in such a manner, but as far as we are concerned, he’s a citizen like any other and obviously we couldn’t overlook what he did.”

He also said, “Relations between the police and the judiciary are good contrary to what you might think. The judge has admitted what he did.”

In addition to the criminal charges, the judge is also expected to face professional disciplinary proceedings.

Married Teacher, 32, Accused Of Having Sexual Relationship With Student, 13

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We’ve been reporting on teachers sleeping with students for almost ten years, but I swear it seems as if it’s becoming more common. So much so that I now have to choose which teacher story I want to write up.

Mary-Faith-McCormickToday I chose not to go with the Oklahoma teacher who followed a student 650 miles to have sex, and decided on 32-year-old Mary Faith McCormick. She’s the married teacher who just got busted having a sexual relationship with a 13-year-old student.

According to the affidavit, the sexual relationship between the two began after a friend of the 13-year-old dared him to contact McCormick. He did, and McCormick reciprocated.

The relationship eventually turned into a sexual one with the two having sex on at least two occasions between June and August. On one of these occasions, the boy and a friend went over to McCormick’s apartment to watch a movie where the 13-year-old had sex with McCormick in her bedroom.

The two were busted mainly because of their Snapchat activity. McCormick and the boy would send each other pictures of their genitalia, and a 12-year-old female friend of the boy found some of these pictures after borrowing his phone. One picture included McCormick in a towel with wet hair showing her breasts. The accompanying text stated, “I’m not dirty anymore.”

Siloam Springs detectives began investigating McCormick earlier this month and ended up confiscating USB thumb drives, an Apple iPad, two Apple iPhones and a desktop computer. Police searched McCormick’s Snapchat account and would find multiple photographs and videos of the 13-year-old.

Since sex with a 13-year-old in Arkansas is illegal, even if consensual, McCormick was arrested and charged with felony rape. She’s was released from jail the next day after posting $50,000 bond. She’s been suspended with pay from her job as a sixth-grade teacher at Siloam Springs Intermediate School pending the outcome of the investigation.

McCormick’s next court date is set for September 22.

I get affairs. Right or wrong, I understand why people have them… with other consenting adults. I will never understand people willing to end their marriage, relationships with friends and family, professional career and freedom — all for some underage strange.

Man Set New Wife On Fire For Sleeping With Ex-Lover On Wedding Night

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Ivan Kuzmin has been accused of setting his new bride on fire because she had sex with an ex-lover on their wedding night after he fell asleep.

Veronika-FilippovaAccording to reports, Veronika Filippova, 27, had an affair with an ex-boyfriend after Kuzmin passed out drunk at their wedding reception. She was so consumed with guilt that she later told Kuzmin everything.

This turned out to be a big mistake, because Kuzmin, 30, responded by dousing her with alcohol while she was sleeping. When she woke up and tried to escape, Kuzmin set her on fire with a cigarette lighter.

Filippova was rushed to the hospital with burns to over 80 percent of her body but would die a few hours later. Kuzmin was arrested and has admitted to murdering Filippova. He’s now facing 15 years in prison.

Too bad Kuzmin never admitted to Filippova that he’d once served ten years in prison for the attempted rape and murder an underage girl. Had he, none of this may have ever happened.

Sergey Domnyshev, an investigator in the Kirov district of Volgograd, confirmed Kuzmin was convicted of trying to rape a girl under the age of 18, then trying to destroy evidence by setting the apartment on fire with the girl still inside.