They look a lot bigger in person than they do in photos. At least, that’s what your mom told me last night.
If there’s someone in your life who is, for lack of a better term, a total dick, you’ve probably struggled with deciding how to confront them. You could talk to them in person. You could write a sharply worded email enumerating all your grievances against them. Or you could send them a package that lets them know, in no uncertain terms, exactly how you feel. And by package, we literally mean a package.
Enter Shipadick.com, which is exactly what it sounds like: a website that allows you to ship a two-and-a-half-foot cardboard erect penis to anyone in the world.
For $9.99, you can send a standard 29-inch dick; for $14.99, you can also add a customizable message or one from the site’s drop-down menu, filled with such Algonquin Round Table nuggets as “SLAP!”, “I love you,” “Mine bends where yours ends,” “Congrats! You’ve got Herpes!” or just an elegant, concise “You’re a dick.” There are also holiday versions available, such as a heart with a dick going through it for Valentine’s Day, and a dick with a crown of thorns around the head for Easter this month.
Ship A Dick is the brainchild of Marshall and Chester, two longtime BFFs who met while working as valets at a Portland hotel. (The two run a laser-cutter engraving company together in the area and don’t want to reveal their last names for fear of alienating prospective clients.) Back in 2012, they were emailing back and forth in preparation for a trade convention in Marshall’s home state of California when the idea took root.
“Marshall’s older brother is sort of a dick, so he said, ‘Cut a giant dick out of cardboard just in case my brother shows up,” Chester recalled. “So I read the email and pretty much instantly said, ‘Dude, we should probably make a website where people order giant cardboard dicks and mail them to each other.”
“We just want to make the world a better place,” Marshall added.
The dicks themselves are 29-inch erect cardboard monstrosities that are generally brown on one side and white on the other. With the exception of a one-balled “charity dick” version made to honor a friend of Chester’s who was recently diagnosed with testicular cancer, the dicks don’t reflect any of the anatomical variations usually found in dick nature. There are no veiny dicks, for example, or dicks that curve to the left or right.
For reasons better left unprinted, we sent one to our intrepid Daily Dot managing editor. It arrived just in time for his birthday on April Fools’ Day (no joke), and was addressed from one “Hugh Johnson.” (Cue Simpsons prank call.) He opened it at dinner, much to the apparent horror of the child sitting beside him. Needless to say, it was a worthwhile expenditure, if only for the resulting photo.
Since 2012, when Ship A Dick first launched, the website has been slowly growing, with Marshall and Chester fielding requests for at least five dicks a day; during holiday seasons like Valentine’s Day and Christmas, they’ll get up to 10 to 15 orders a day. Unsurprisingly, they often ship to New York City’s Financial District.
That raises the question: Exactly what kind of people are willing to spend $15.00 on a customizable cardboard dick (other than Daily Dot reporters emotionally scarring American youth)?
Marshall and Chester don’t know, but they’ve gotten some tantalizing hints in the form of the customized messages people ask them to put on their dicks.
“One of my favorites was ‘Stop fucking blacking out, you dick,’ all in capitals,” Marshall said.
“My favorite simply said ‘I’m pregnant’ on it,” Chester added.
“Some girl—we’re assuming she was drunk—ordered 7 or 8 in one night,” noted Marshall. “It said ‘Hello Grandma, Satan loves you.’”
While one would assume that many of the dick receipients would be victims of a prank or an act of vengeance—think tyrannical bosses, or estranged exes—Marshall and Chester say 90 percent of the messages are lighthearted inside jokes. “We’ve definitely worded the site in such a way to stay away from the revenge-style, get back at your enemy thing,” Chester said. “We try to make it seem like a funny goofy thing and like ‘Here’s a giant penis, you can send it to your friends and say whatever you want on it.’”
But that doesn’t mean that the two don’t sometimes get complaints from recipients, particularly those who receive blank dicks, who sometimes have no idea who sent them the dick and why.
“We’ve only gotten three complaints this year so far, from people offended enough to demand where the dicks came from, and they were all blank dicks,” said Marshall, noting that Ship A Dick has a strict policy of anonymity. “In a way, the blank dick is more offensive because you don’t know what it means. You don’t know how to take it if it doesn’t have some message.”
Eventually, Marshall and Chester plan to expland Ship A Dick so it can become a “one-stop shop for all your dick novelty needs,” floating around ideas for T-shirts, dick ice cube trays, and “those capsules that expand when you put them in water, but, like, in six-inch dick form.” (They’ve also floated around the idea of making a vagina version for the ladies, having registered the domain names for Ship A Clit and Ship A Vag, though they acknowledge that comes with its own unique design problems. “It’s harder to cartoonize a vagina,” Chester said. “Where would you put the message? That keeps us awake at night.”)
For now, though, they’re content with sticking to cardboard dicks. In a hyper-digitized world where you’re about as likely to receive a letter in the mail as you are to stumble on a Blockbuster in your neighborhood, there’s something almost poignant and quaint about receiving a giant cardboard dick in the mail. Whether it contains a message of vengeance or a message of love, or even a message that makes no sense at all, shipping a dick shows the recipient that you’re thinking of them, for good or for ill.
“One of the reasons why people like shipping giant cardboard dicks to a friend in the mail is it’s personal in a way,” Marshall said. “If you get a surprise dick in the mail, that’s gonna have a pretty big impact on your day, one way or another.”
Plus, Chester said, there’s just something about the dick itself that just tickles the funny bone[r]. “They’re this weird, goofy part of the body that serves almost no purpose, unless you’re in the middle of sex or something,” he says. “They’re just this hilarious appendage.”
New York has a new club for underage partiers, but you have to be younger than 12 to get in.
CNN Money ran a story this week about a new company called Fuzipop that puts together dance parties for children at major nightclubs around Manhattan.
Held once a month for children ages 6-12 and their parents, the three-hour dance parties typically cost $20 for a parent and child to get in, and $60 for a family of four. A 9-year-old child DJs the events (it’s not clear whether he or she was trained at Brooklyn’s baby DJ school), and professional dancers help keep kids entertained. The kids get down with glow sticks and guzzle juice boxes—seriously.
A CNN Money reporter recently attended one such party at the West Village’s Pink Elephant on a Sunday afternoon, where just 12 hours earlier, the crowd was a lot less wholesome.
The scene she described sounds plain awful:
Inside, parents lined up the full cash bar as their kids leaped around the dance floor shouting out the words to “What Does the Fox Say.”
The tables usually reserved for VIPs ordering pricey bottle service were littered with champagne glasses and juice boxes. The bartender, who’s used to serving a liquored-up, over-21 crowd on Saturday nights, was surprised by how much the parents were imbibing. The most popular drink that afternoon was vodka.
Fuzipop says on its website that its goal is to “inspire the next generation of DJs, music producers, artists, dancers and music business moguls. Growing up in New York City is a unique one-of-a-kind experience and city kids deserve an event of the same stature.”
The idea behind the events may be to get children into music, but we have a feeling these parties are more for their parents. One mother at the April Fuzipop event told CNN Money that Fuzipop lets parents “live vicariously through our kids, and we can all blow off steam together.”
That seems more like it.
The 47-year-old upon the idea of making the savoury Easter egg after people at work discussed giving up chocolate for Lent and what could possibly replace the traditional Easter feast.
Mike, from Botley, Hampshire, revealed: “The internet has an obsession with bacon and in my brain I wondered if someone had already made an Easter egg out of bacon.
“There was far too much bacon for one person but it was delicious and completely crispy”
“I couldn’t really find anything that was anyway similar to what I had in mind.”
Using an oval-shaped pie-dish, Mike weaved the bacon into separate halves and bunged them in the oven.
The icing on the cake was putting the extras inside, and Mike said of his finished work: “The egg conceals a couple of nice Cumberland sausages and some fried slices of black pudding – also on the plate; fried tomato, mushroom, potato slices, fried bread, baked beans and a fried egg (cooked to perfection with a liquid yolk) – and a nice mug of tea on the side.”
Mike said that he only managed to get through one half and saved the rest for some sarnies later on.
The Heston Blumenthal fan began cooking as a young lad and he sticks his kookiest creations on his Atomic Shrimp website.
Other meals include grasshopper, Mac N Chocolate, savoury Christmas pudding and a bacon waffle.
“I am a grown up. I can make a mess, I can use whatever ingredients in my cooking.”
We’re very open to him becoming our own personal chef…
Is it OK to walk around naked in the middle of a major city? The idea of seriously debating this question might seem bizarre, but that’s just what the city of Munich has been doing for much of this year. Statewide laws controlling nude sunbathing in Bavaria expired last autumn, and Germany’s third largest city has had to decide for itself whether or not to allow sun-seekers to strip off in public.
The answer they came up with is a qualified yes. People in Munich are now officially welcome to go naked provided they restrict themselves to six designated areas across the city. While these areas’ locations in parkland gives them a degree of seclusion, none of them are fenced off or hidden away. One spot is barely ten minutes from Munich’s main square, located along a stream to which tourists flock.
In officially allowing nude sunbathing in these six places, Munich is in many ways only acknowledging a practice that has gone on for years. It’s long been common to see people hanging out in the buff in the city’s beautiful Englischer Garten and in spots along the meandering, island-filled Isar River. Indeed, the practice is common across Germany, where the first naturist beach was set up back in 1920. In the former East Germany, the activity is more popular still, possibly because the longtime absence of strong religious influence there made people less anxious about it.
Plenty of Germans are tanning obsessives, but it’s all about far more than avoiding tan lines. Public saunas, a standard part of many people’s weekly routine in the country, are generally naked-only and mixed sex (though single sex days happen once or twice a week). Indeed, you can actually be asked to take your bathing suit off if you turn up with one. This is – I think – in case the sweat it collects ends up on the sauna’s wooden benches, or to assure you don’t make other people feel uncomfortable in their nakedness.
Given that so many Western countries have taboos around public nudity, how does Germany manage this insouciance? It would be going too far to claim that Germans accept no link between sexuality and the naked body – German pornography is not noticeably full of people in floor length gowns and chunky turtlenecks. What Germany does have, nonetheless, is a strong cultural tradition that seeks to escape artifice and the pressures of city life to return to something supposedly more natural. Seen in this light, stripping off in public is the voluntary removal of a heavy mask, a return to unvarnished honesty rather than some titter-worthy peek-a-boo. Places where this is allowed to happen are spaces of truce, where there is a generally observed agreement that people will spare each other physical scrutiny and appraisal.
Thus even a place with a fairly buttoned-up reputation like Munich sees allowing naked sunbathing as a public good. It’s a reminder that, even in the midst of a big city, nature and peace are still there to be enjoyed in what many like to consider, accurately or not, a natural state. As my time working in Munich as a tour guide taught me, however, there’s always an occasional tourist who chooses to butt into this municipally approved summer idyll with a roving zoom lens.
A man survived an 80ft (24m) fall off a cliff when his car careered off the road and plunged into the sea near Brighton.
The 33-year-old only suffered minor injuries and was able to get out of his Ford Focus and clamber onto the rocks at about midnight last night.
Rescue teams said the car had ‘miraculously’ managed to avoid the concrete promenade at the foot of the cliff after it came off the A259 road near Roedean.
According to the photographer who took the dramatic images, the driver told a fireman at the scene that ‘he just had a Red Bull (energy drink) and it… made him fly’.
Newhaven Coastguard lifted the man from the beach on a stretcher using specialist cliff rescue equipment.
‘With approximately 22 emergency service workers from various agencies as well as two lifeboat crews this was fantastic team work leading to a swift extraction of the casualty,’ explained a coastguard spokesman.
Shocking pictures of the incident show just how lucky the man was to survive with extensive damage done to the car’s metal framework and windows.
A member of the Brighton lifeboat crew who attended the rescue swum ashore to see if there were any other passengers but nobody else was found.
Police are now investigating the cause of the incident but are confident there were no other casualties.
This is a video demonstrating the depth of the character creation system for Black Desert, an upcoming MMORPG from Korea. You can fine tune pretty much everything, ALMOST down to individual hair length (but not quite). Want your pupils to shine with little stars? No problem. Massive penis with a dragon tattoo on your inner thigh? Sure, why not.
Artist Kirstin Bunyard has managed to blend her two great passions – fashion and dissection – into a morbid yet intriguing art form. Kirstin makes high-end, elegant jewelry (rings, bracelets and necklaces) using natural bones. In 2009, she started her own label called Ossuaria Jewelry, through which she sells her handmade accessories. She personally selects the bones for each piece and fashions them by hand to create ‘bold and dramatic adornments’ that are meant for ‘people with a bit of an eccentric side’.
Kirstin has a background in criminology, but she was always interested in fashion as well. “From the time I was 10 years old, I knew I wanted to be a fashion designer,” she said. Her dream was to ‘take on the world of punk culture and high fashion’. She sketched all the time, waiting for the day when her creations would be displayed on the runway. But by the time she got to college, her life had taken a different course.
After college, Kirstin worked for a short while as an autopsy assistant and attended several autopsies and embalmings. During this time she developed a great admiration for bones – the structures that support the body. She found them so elegant and alluring that she began to believe that they deserved a more prominent place outside the body. That’s when she seriously began to consider shifting her line of work.
“Ossuaria came about by combining my previous interests in both fashion and dissection – taking the remains of something recently deceased and creating a beautiful, functional, wearable piece of art,” said Kirstin. “My primary source of inspiration comes from the bones themselves. The natural shapes of the material are so beautiful and brilliantly designed – they simply scream to be shown, for once, outside the skin.”
When asked about her inspiration, Kirstin said that she generally starts with a blank mind, spreads out a bunch of bones on her workspace and the piece just creates itself. “I do occasionally look to modernist jewelry designers for ideas about shapes, flow and conflict,” she said. Kirstin mainly sources her materials from farms and ranches, but sometimes she goes to pet stores with deceased animals or reptiles to spare. Once she gets possession of the carcass, she uses her own process to treat the bones and make stunning accessories out of them.
“Early on, I would pick up animals in any state of decomposition and clean the bones by maceration – soaking the animal in a tub of water until the flesh peels off fairly easily,” she said. “I have occasionally used beetles and maggots to do the dirty work for me.” But the work was a complete ‘assault on the senses’, so these days, Kirstin prefers to use animals that have died recently. These are easier to clean, and the bones are also much brighter.
Kirstin starts by removing all the organs and excess flesh and slow boiling the bones for a few hours. Then she soaks the bare bones in a peroxide mixture until clean. “I can’t say that any of this is a pleasant process, but the results are worth it,” she insists. “Additionally, I find it more gratifying to know that I have done the work myself, as opposed to simply buying pre-cleaned bones.”
For all the hard work that Kirstin puts into Ossuaria, the brand has been slowly gaining recognition and is actually doing pretty well now. During Austin Fashion Week in 2012, Ossuaria was given Showcase Designer status. The jewelry was also featured in several fashion magazines and even used by other designers in their runway shows. A television series showcasing Kirstin’s work is in the making, and will be aired soon on the Discovery Channel.
Because each individual Ossuaria accessory is handmade and almost one-of-a-kind, Ossuaria prices can be pretty steep, although not as outrageous as other much less interesting accessories. The pricing structure depends on the scarcity of the materials used and the time taken to clean the bones, but a necklace could be yours for anywhere between $100 and $500. Rings, bracelets, and earrings are all priced between $50 and $100.
If you’re ready to adorn yourself with animal remains, you can visit Kristin’s site, Ossuaria Jewelry and check out her collection.