Woman Loses It When She Doesn’t Wake Up As Nicki Minaj

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Imagine having a beautiful dream in which you are a famous celebrity, fawned over by the masses with access to nearly limitless riches.

Then you wake up with blood in your mouth and a swollen face.

This is something like what appears to have happened to poor Jayci Underwood who was filmed by her husband Matt shortly after she woke up from getting her wisdom teeth removed.

“I just wanted to be Nicki Minaj when I woke up,” Underwood says no the verge of tears. “I just wanted to have her butt and her face.”

Underwood was also looking forward to leveraging her celebrity cache to become best friends with Ellen DeGeneres.

“Ellen DeGeneres is generous… that’s literally her name and I love her,” Underwood says.

There are those who have cast doubt on the authenticity of this video. She does seem to be saying some prettaaaay crazy things, even for someone on pain meds. Also, it’s not hard to stuff cotton balls in your mouth and pretend to be feeling loopy.

Grandfather Shoots Home Invaders Jamar Hawkins & Buddys, There To Gang Rape Granddaughter

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On Monday night, in Lumberton, N.C. a homeowner’s worst nightmare came true. According to the Robeson Sheriff’s Office, an innocent knock at the door turned into a gun battle with one dead.

2d82lpwCarolina Live, citing the Roberson Sheriff’s Office, said around 10 p.m. an unknown man knocked on the door of a home along Yedda Road. The man reportedly told the homeowner his car was having mechanical problems, and he needed water.

Just as this was happening, according to Carolina Live, two other men, dressed in black with ski masks and gloves busted through the door and made their way inside. Once the suspects made their way in, it was soon apparent they weren’t just there for money.

According to News 2, after the suspects led the 67-year-old and his wife back to a safe, they also attempted to gang rape the homeowner’s 19-year-old granddaughter.

The grandfather, knowing he was in the fight of his life to save his granddaughter, managed to get one of his own guns and according to News 2 began to fire at the suspects. During an intense gun battle, the grandfather was reportedly hit multiple times – and so were the suspects. The granddaughter managed to escape the clutch of the men.

The gunmen, according to the report, fled in the homeowner’s Cadillac.

Two other suspects showed up later to a local hospital in Dillon after their gunshot wound became too much for them to deal with. The hospital, according to reports, notified the sheriff’s office.

As for the 67-year-old victim, he was airlifted and had to have surgery. News 2 said a relative, Sherri Bridgeman, updated followers on her Facebook page about the victim’s condition saying, “He is out of surgery but is still critical in ICU!! Thanks everyone for all your prayers just keep them coming!!! But the intruders have been caught!!!”

The other two suspects were taken by helicopter to another location where they had to have emergency surgery as well. News 2 said they have been identified as Jamar Hawkins, 17, and Brandon Carver Stephens, 28 (pictured above). According to Major Anthony Thompson, of Robeson County Sheriff’s Office, the two suspects were booked in the Florence County Detention Center as of Thursday night.

Information gathered by investigators led them to the stolen car where they found 20-year-old Jamie Lee Faison. He reportedly died from his injuries.

It’s possible the men have allegedly committed other robberies in the area. If you know anything about these suspects, please contact Robeson Sheriff’s Office.

The eel in the ass that has to be surgically removed is a NOPE

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A man was forced to have surgery after a long fish got stuck in his anus.

Graphic footage has emerged of the procedure which shows medical professionals pulling the Lungfish from a Brazilian man’s backside.

The eel-like fish had venture so far up that it had become lodged in the patient’s bowels.

People can be heard laughing and gasping in amazement as the operation nears an end.

A number of people have phone cameras out at the ready to capture the moment the creature is pulled free.

There’s ordinary dumb, and then there’s “steal the license plates off an unmarked police car” dumb

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Police-Man-stole-plates-from-unmarked-police-vanBritish police said officers noticed a man stealing the license plates from a parked van that was actually an unmarked police vehicle.

West Midlands Police said officers working on Operation Trivium noticed a man unscrewing the license plates from an unmarked police van parked in Foleshill, England.

The officers followed the man until he discarded the plates a short distance away. The 50-year-old suspect was arrested on suspicion of theft and going equipped to steal.

Operation Trivium is an international operation based in Birmingham, England, that targets foreign criminals using British roads. More than 800 people have been arrested since the operation began Oct. 20.

Maine Woman Dressed As Hello Kitty Arrested For Drunk Driving

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A woman wearing a Hello Kitty costume was arrested early yesterday for drunk driving, according to Maine police.

kittyCops pulled over Carrie Gipson, 37, when they spotted her car driving in the wrong lane on a road in Gorham, a town outside Portland. During the 2 AM traffic stop, police discovered that Gipson was dressed as the popular Japanese character, a white bobtail cat with a trademark red bow in her hair.

Gipson is pictured in the above mug shot. The head of her Halloween costume was also photographed by police.

Man Allegedly Wanders Drunk To Wrong Home, Gets In Bed With Stranger

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A Connecticut man was arrested after police say he wandered into the wrong home drunk and got in bed with a stranger, who woke up startled and called 911.

Police say the incident happened early Saturday morning at an apartment complex in Clinton. Officers say 26-year-old Tyler Sullivan of Haddam told officers he thought he was at his mother’s apartment, which is in the same complex.

A man in the home said he told Sullivan to leave, but Sullivan refused. Police say Sullivan was still there when officers arrived.

Sullivan was charged with trespassing and disorderly conduct. He was released on $1,000 bail and ordered to appear in Middletown Superior Court on Nov. 4.

It’s not clear if Sullivan has a lawyer. A phone listing for him couldn’t be found.

Man Accidentally Texts “You Have Some Weed?” To Probation Officer

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A Georgia man is back behind bars after mistakenly sending a request for marijuana to the worst person imaginable.

n-ALVIN-largeAlvin Cross Jr, of Albany, accidentally sent a text message reading “You have some weed?” to his probation officer, WALB reports. Cross was on probation after being sentenced to 15 years in prison for armed robbery offense in 2006, Dougherty County Lt. Lance Montgerard told The Huffington Post in an email.

In response to the text, law enforcement raided Cross’ residence, where they discovered a bag of cocaine. As a result, Cross pleaded guilty on Monday to cocaine possession and was sentenced to a year in prison.

Cross is not the first drug offender to fall victim to technology. October of last year, a New Jersey man allegedly setting up a marijuana sale accidentally sent a text about the deal to a police detective. That same month, a California woman sent a message to a narcotics detective while allegedly trying to set up an illegal deal for an opiate called fentanyl.