Texan, 23, Headed To State Prison For Urinating On The Alamo

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A Texas man was sentenced yesterday to 18 months in state prison for urinating on the Alamo.

Daniel Athens, a 23-year-old El Paso resident, pleaded guilty earlier this year to a criminal mischief charge in connection with danielathensthe April 2012 incident at the Texas shrine. While Athens could have faced a maximum of two years in custody, a plea deal saved him up to six months in custody.

Athens was also ordered to pay $4000 in restitution by District Judge Ray Olivarri. Since Athens is not eligible for parole, he will have to serve the entirety of his 18-month sentence.

As detailed in a San Antonio Police Department report, an Alamo Ranger spotted the tipsy Athens standing in a “chained off area not open to the public” making “the motions of putting his penis back in his pants.” Upon investigation, the cop discovered that there was “a puddle on the original mortar of the Shrine.”

Urinating on the 250-year-old “Shrine of Texas Liberty” can cause damage to the landmark since the Alamo’s “limestone absorbs the salt and then pushes the salt out. When the salt gets pushed out so does the face of the limestone and through this process the urine contributes to the eroding of the limestone,” police reported.

Too hot to handle! Mobile brothel catches fire at German motorway rest stop

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article-2605460-1D1FADD400000578-762_634x420A mobile brothel caught fire in a motorway rest stop while the owner was busy conducting business with a lorry driver in his cab.

Police and around 35 fire fighters were called to the scene after the mobile home burst into flames at the lay-by near Horneburg, Germany.

The female brothel owner parked up at the site as it was a convenient spot for her to offer erotic services to clients.

According to the police, these were mainly lorry drivers or car drivers who were travelling along the B73 motorway near the region of Horneburg, southwest of the city of Hamburg in Lower Saxony.

The 32-year-old brothel owner known as ‘Lady Jane’ was fortunately conducting business with a truck driver in his cab when her ‘Love-Mobil’, which had included a bed and various erotic aids, caught fire.

It took 35 fire fighters to put out the blaze – the cause of which is still unknown.

Police spokesman Markus Dietmar said: ‘The cause of the blaze is being investigated. It took 35 firemen to extinguish it after we got the first report at 22:00 hours.

‘By the time they arrived, the mobile erotic wagon was already well on fire and it is a total write-off as a result of the blaze.’

He said that the female owner had estimated the cost of replacing the van at more than £5,000.

Police are appealing for witnesses to get in touch if they noticed anything unusual that might indicate how the blaze started and whether it was arson.

Embarrassing: Trying to rob a hair salon. Really Embarrassing: Have the receptionist laugh in your face. Ultimate embarrassment: Having to call your mom to come pick you up

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ReceptionistOn the afternoon of April 10, 2014, 29-year-old Ryan Trembly entered Bubbles Hair Salon on a mission. It wasn’t give him a style that would turn heads and attract a new mate, though. Ryan was actually planning to rob the place.

He walked up to the receptionist, put his hand under his under shirt, and demanded that she give him the money in the register. Unfortunately for him, the young lady fooled behind the counter was not fooled by his finger gun. Instead, she simply laughed in his face,

The receptionist also pointed out to reporters (and hopefully not to him) how stupid it was to rob a hair salon since a bank was right next door…although to Ryan’s credit, he may have been correctly setting the bar low with regards to his criminal abilities.

After having completely failed at the robbery (and being completely emasculated), Ryan decided that now was the best time to spit some game, attempting to make small talk with the receptionist before leaving the salon.

17-year-old Irish boy suffers heart attack after friend squeezes his testicles

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An Irish schoolboy had a heart attack after his testicles were squeezed in a prank that went horribly wrong.

The 17-year-old has been placed in a medically induced coma, following the incident in a suburb of Dublin.

The pupil was heading back into school after a lunch break and joking around with a group of boys.

According to the Irish Mirror, one of his friends then “jerked his scrotum,” causing the emergency.

A teacher and one of the group performed CPR at the scene while waiting for the emergency services to arrive.

A source close to the boy’s family said they believe it wasn’t a “savage attack” or carried out in a “malicious way.”

The teenager is said to be in a stable condition.

Rare condition means woman has smelled of FISH and ROTTEN EGGS for 14 years – and there’s no cure

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Ellie-James-3378528When Ellie James opened her Secret Santa present, she burst into tears.

It was yet another bar of soap.

She had received so many over the years – along with copious bottles of perfume and body spray.

Just as with all the other “gifts”, she knew it hadn’t been chosen as a thoughtful gesture but as a hint – that she was smelly.

When she opened her present, her colleagues roared with laughter and Ellie fled the office in embarrassment.

Sadly she has had to endure similar humiliations for 14 years because she suffers from a bizarre medical disorder which makes her smell of fish. It can also make her reek of rotten eggs.

Today Ellie, 44, bravely reveals how she is just one of a handful of Brits to be diagnosed with Trimethylaminuria (TMAU).

Also known as fish-odour syndrome, it has had a ­devastating impact on her life.

Bullies have dubbed her Smelly Ellie and have even posted body spray through her letterbox.

She was first struck down with the condition at the age of 30. Her body is unable to cope with certain foods – meat, dairy, coffee and fish – and releases ­trimethylamine, which creates a putrid odour.

But even when she avoids those foods there are days she is unable to stop the smell. It leads to her being abused in the street and on public transport.

At her lowest point she was taking a bath five times a day.

Company director Ellie, from Abingdon, Oxfordshire, explained how she became aware of her condition: “At first I didn’t ­understand what was wrong. I’d always had impeccable hygiene.

“The smell was a complete mystery. I wondered if my cat had brought in a mouse and left it to rot.

“But I slowly realised it was me when strangers began to stare at me while holding their noses. I heard people whispering about me in the office.

“I would come home from work every night and cry. Soon people were showering me with gifts of perfume. At Christmas I’d get soap – it was completely humiliating.

“Once a driver actually installed an air freshener on the bus I use and a passenger said it was my fault. It was soul-destroying.

“It was a real struggle getting out of bed in the morning.”

Alarmingly, Ellie got so desperate she started to scrub her skin with kitchen detergent until it was red raw. “I was at my wit’s end,” she said.

It took doctors seven years to diagnose the condition after she first plucked up courage to visit her GP in 2005.

“The doctor started to lecture me on personal hygiene and told me how to wash,” she said.

She was so mortified she waited a whole year before seeing another doctor.

But together they researched the possible causes and in 2007 she came across an online forum for people with TMAU.

“Although it was hard to swallow I felt relief as I’d finally found the answers I’d been looking for,” she said. She was referred to an ­endocrinologist – an expert on hormones – who put her on antibiotics and suggested a diet plan.

She said: “I began to wash with a special pH-balanced soap after I found out washing excessively with normal soap made the smell even worse.

“There is no cure but making these changes helps.”

Brave Ellie added: “Now when someone holds their nose I take them aside and explain I have a medical condition. I hope my story will help educate those who point fingers and encourage other sufferers to find the strength to get help.”

Now she is beginning to get her confidence back and has even found love with boyfriend Dan Molston, 50.

They first met in 2006 through mutual friends and bonded over an interest in cycling. Romance developed earlier this year.

Loyal Dan said: “Ellie is a lovely person and that’s all that matters.”

What is TMAU?

The condition is a metabolic disorder in which the body loses the ability to properly break down the trimethylamine found in certain foods.

Trimethylamine then builds up and is released in the sufferer’s sweat, urine, and breath, giving off a strong fishy odour.

Women are more likely to develop the condition than men, possibly because female sex hormones aggravate the symptoms.

It can result in depression and other psychological problems. It is so rare that only a handful of people have been diagnosed in the UK.

A pub in has attracted attention after a risqué sign was put in place

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The sign proclaimed to the world: “THE WIG AND PEN IS OPEN FOR BUSINESS”.

Unfortunately, as can be seen in the picture below, the creator of the sign did not leave sufficient space between the words ‘pen’ and ‘is’.

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The sign, which has now been taken down, was put in place to make customers aware the pub remained open throughout the South West Water works that closed some streets in Truro to traffic.

The pub, on the corner of Frances St and Castle Street, takes its name from the crown court nearby.

The Wig and Pen serves food in the bar and in its downstairs restaurant, Quills, and has been nominated in the West Briton’s What’s On Cornwall Awards for best eatery in Cornwall.

Nobody from the pub was available to comment on the sign.

Fire starts as bride and groom are pronounced wed … an omen?

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622x350Authorities say a three-alarm fire broke out at a wedding outside Boston just after the bride and groom were pronounced husband and wife.

The Sun Chronicle reports that flames broke through the roof of the historic Lakeview Pavilion in Foxborough on Saturday night, destroying it. The fire was knocked down hours after it started.

Justice of the Peace Jerry Cibley says the fire began at the end of the wedding just as the bride, groom and their wedding party walked down the aisle. He tells the paper he had “just pronounced them husband and wife” and that the couple were devastated about the fire.

Cibley says everyone got out safely, including the 150 or so guests.

The venue’s website says it opened in 1906.

If you plan on transporting fifteen pounds of heroin from California to Oklahoma please follow traffic laws

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imagesFAUDLSWMAuthorities say a Southern California woman has been arrested after she was found with more than 15 pounds of heroin in her car following a traffic stop east of Amarillo.

The Texas Department of Public Safety says 23-year-old Bianca Dinora Mendez was stopped for a traffic violation Thursday on Interstate 40.

Her vehicle was searched and seven bundles of heroin allegedly were found hidden in the seats. DPS says the drug is valued at $2.7 million.

Mendez, a resident of Cypress, Calif., remains in the Carson County jail and is scheduled to be arraigned Friday. She’s charged with a felony count of possession of a controlled substance.

DPS says Mendez was transporting the heroin from Los Angeles to Oklahoma City.

Jail records did not indicate an attorney for her.

If you leave 250 bags of heroin in your rental car when you turn it in, just let ‘em go, man, they’re gone

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heroin4n-2-webNothing gets between Carlos Tavarez and his Fat Boys.

The Bronx man forgot to grab the stash of “Fat Boy” heroin he had hidden in his Chevy rental when he returned the car, but Port Authority cops said Thursday the 30-year-old dad tried to recover the dope the next day — with a cockamamie story that the drugs were his “baby’s medicine.”

Tavarez was arrested at Newark Airport Wednesday on drug charges after arranging to retrieve the drugs from undercover cops he believed were Budget Rent A Car workers, police said.

Tavarez rented a Chevrolet Cruze from a Budget office on W. 49th St. in Hell’s Kitchen on Sunday for a trip from New York to Boston and back.

After leaving the sedan at a Budget office at Newark Airport on Tuesday, he quickly realized what he’d left behind.

He returned with $2,500 worth of “Fat Boy” that he had stuffed in a bag and hid under the dashboard, authorities said.

After leaving the sedan at a Budget office at Newark Airport on Tuesday, he quickly realized what he’d left behind, officials said.

Budget workers became suspicious and rang Port Authority police when Tavarez called and explained he had left his child’s medicine hidden in the car.

heroin4n-1-web
Handout Tavarez’ 250 bags of heroin had the street name ‘Fat Boy,’ cops said.

Posing as employees of the rental car company, detectives called Tavarez and set up a time for him to pick up his package at the airport, Port Authority spokesman Joe Pentangelo said.

When he showed up Wednesday at 4 p.m., two undercover detectives dressed as rental car staffers presented him with a lost and found form to fill out. Tavarez signed it — acknowledging that he owned the package and warranting his arrest, authorities said.

Tavarez is charged with possession of heroin and possession of a controlled substance with intent to distribute. Police said the heroin was contained in 250 glassine envelopes stamped “Fat Boy.”

At his arraignment in New Jersey, a judge ordered that Tavarez be held on $150,000 bail, officials said.

Dumb can’t really compete with this … Subway surfer killed riding atop 6 train

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A man uses the subway system in New YorkA man was killed while trying to ride atop a subway car in the Bronx, police said.

The victim, believed to be in his 40s, was found dead at the Elder Avenue Station on the 6-train line around 10:35 p.m., Wednesday, officials said.

Investigators believe the man was a subway surfer who was struck by an overhead barrier before the train pulled into the aboveground station at Elder and Westchester avenues.

The victim’s name has not yet been released.