Idiot Drug Dealer Tries to Rob Undercover Cop, Winds Up Crying in Handcuffs

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drug-deal-gone-wrong-558x279Folks, this is why you should never get involved in a life of drug dealing and crime.

After this idiot jumps into an undercover officer’s vehicle to go about a drug deal, he learns the hard way that you probably should pull a gun out and threaten a customer, especially when they are setting you up.

Halfway through the “deal,” he decides he’d rather just steal her money rather than offer up the goods.

Things could have gotten really scary for this undercover cop. Luckily, backup was on hand to bring him to justice. And to tears.

Rule #1: To be a successful fugitive – Don’t crash into any police cars

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A man who rear-ended a Spokane police detective in downtown Spokane Tuesday afternoon was arrested after police discovered he was wanted on two warrants.

The detective, who is not being identified, was stopped in traffic heading west on Second Avenue at Jefferson Street when he was hit from behind just before 12:30 p.m. “He was definitely not at fault,” said police spokeswoman Monique Cotton. “Even though he was injured, he got out and assisted at the scene.”

The driver who hit him has been identified as Roman I. Ryakhovskaya, 24. He was wanted on warrants for driving under the influence and domestic violence assault. He has been cited for driving with a suspended license and may also be cited for following too close, Cotton said.

The detective was treated at a local hospital for minor injuries, Cotton said. The detective has been with the department for many years and has previously been involved in two car crashes while on duty. In both cases he was hit by a drunk driver and was not at fault, Cotton said.

The best sex tips you’ll ever hear — from a man with no penis

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Leave it to a man with no penis to school the Internet on sexual intimacy. That’s what happened when a man who allegedly lost part of his genitals in a childhood accident took to Reddit toanswer questions about life without a phallus.

gZdrmUuUnder the evocative screen name “penisindoor,” he claimed that at age 12 he put his erect member through a door crack to tease his buddies and one of them — a friend who was, in “penisindoor’s” words, unfamiliar with the basic laws of physics — slammed it shut. After a trip to the hospital, he says he was left with just the stump of his penis, fully intact testicles and a rerouted urethral opening. (He provided photographic evidence, if you’re interested.) The 30-something-year-old is fully capable of orgasm and ejaculation, he says. And, no, the absence of a penis does not prevent him from having sex with his girlfriend.

This last bit came as a shocking revelation to some redditors. How, they wanted to know. Sex equals penis in vagina, right? How can you have sex without a penis?! “I still have part of my shaft under there which still has nerve endings,” he wrote in response. “Use your imagination for the rest.” He added, importantly, “Any loving couple can be intimate.” Those just might be two of the best sex tips around: 1) Use your imagination, and 2) Any loving couple can be intimate. Seriously, sit with that for a minute. So much energy is spent trying to gather wisdom on being “good at” sex. From puberty on, we develop encyclopedic knowledge of all the many positions and moves two or more people can do. We agonize about our anatomy: Is my penis too small? Is my vagina tight enough? Are my boobs big enough?

Great sex is so much simpler than all that — and “penisindoor” has that figured out. Don’t get me wrong: Penises are great. They’re super awesome. Indeed, “penisindoor” misses his enough that he’s hoping to get an experimental and risky penile transplant — and best of luck to him. But his story shows that sexual pleasure and intimacy are way bigger than any dick could ever be. Relatedly, a study just came out finding that lesbians and men of all sexual orientations experience more orgasms than heterosexual women. (We needed science to tell us this?) It just goes to show that penis-in-vagina sex is just one kind of sex, and that it certainly isn’t inherently the most mutually pleasurable kind.

Sex therapist Ian Kerner told me, “As a culture, we are very much caught up in the ‘intercourse-discourse’ which privileges penis-vagina sex over other forms of sex-play, but there are many pleasure-paths worth exploring,” he said. “Between a creative, caring sexual mind and a fully functional penis, the former will more consistently generate orgasms than the latter.” And, for the record, sexual pleasure is not all that uncommon in extreme cases of injury like this one. “Orgasm and ejaculation are separate processes and even men with severe spinal injuries are known to experience the former, so it’s not at all unlikely that this man would be able to experience the pleasurable sensations of gratifying sex in his own particular way,” says Kerner.

I showed the AMA to Debby Herbenick, a sex research at the Kinsey Institute, and she loved “penisindoor’s” perspective. “We all have things we cannot change in life whether it’s our body shape or our age, or that we’re all aging, or our breast asymmetry or an STI or a special interest,” says Herbenick, author of “Sex Made Easy: Your Awkward Questions Answered — For Better, Smarter, Amazing Sex.” “Whether we approach this feeling ‘stuck’ or from a perspective of possibility is a huge part of it.” She added, “Knowing that openness and imagination are important is valuable, as is understanding that intimacy is about more than parts. Arousal is about more than parts.”

Speaking of intimacy, “penisindoor” honored his girlfriend’s request that he keep the details of their sex life private. He gamely answered redditors questions unless they veered into territory his girlfriend was uncomfortable with. What a man, eh?

Now, all this comes with a great big caveat: His story has yet to be verified, his original post has been taken down and he didn’t respond to my requests for an interview — so who knows just how legit it is. But whoever “penisindoor” is, he exhibited a startlingly enlightened view of sex, the kind you rarely ever see in online forums filled with identity-obscuring screen names. It’s a welcome reminder in our dick-obsessed culture that sex can happen without a penis. Oh, also?Not all men have penises.

Farmworkers kill colleague with oranges

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1672617507Two men have been arrested after they allegedly assaulted a farmworker with oranges until he died on a farm outside Tzaneen, Limpopo police said on Wednesday.

The men, aged 27 and 30, were taken into custody on Tuesday, said Lt-Col Moatshe Ngoepe.

“Babanto Chauke, 38, and two men had a quarrel, the two [allegedly] started throwing loose oranges at him until he died.”

The men were Chauke’s colleagues at Lakota Farm. They would appear in the Tzaneen Magistrate’s Court on Wednesday, Ngoepe said.

Alabama man claims penis mistakenly amputated

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An Alabama man who went to the hospital for a routine circumcision says doctors mistakenly amputated his penis.

Johnny Lee Banks Jr. of Birmingham and his wife, Zelda Banks, filed the lawsuit Tuesday in Jefferson County. They’re suing the hospital, doctors and others for what they say is medical malpractice.

The lawsuit says Banks went to Princeton Baptist Medical Center in Birmingham last month for a circumcision. The suit alleges the man’s penis was gone when he awoke.

The suit says that the mistaken amputation has caused the man extreme pain, and that his wife also is suffering.

The suit names the hospital, a urology group, a medical clinic and two doctors as defendants. It’s seeking an unspecified dollar amount.

A hospital spokeswoman declined comment, and others didn’t immediately return messages seeking comment.

Wife of top Texas anti-gay leader divorces him to be with her lesbian partner

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before-he-was-president-of-prominent-anti-gay-group-texas-values-jonathan-saenzs-wife-left-him-for-a-womanJust months before Jonathan Saenz rose to the top of prominent anti-gay group Texas Values, his wife filed for divorce so she could be with another woman, Hays County district court records show, according to Lone Star Q.

The records show that Saenz’s ex-wife, Corrine Morris Rodriguez Saenz, was dating another woman when she filed for divorce from Saenz in 2011. With the divorce still in court, Saenz became president of Texas Values and has since become recognized as one of the state’s strongest anti-gay voices.

Saenz this year pushed an amendment to the 2014 GOP platform supporting the practice of gay-conversion therapy. Texas Values has fought against same-sex marriage and nondiscrimination ordinances, with limited success this year.

During the divorce, Saenz was able to bar his ex-wife’s girlfriend — Ercimin Paredes — from being around their three children. That decision was later overturned, when a judge ruled that Paredes presented no threat to the children. The two now share custody of their two sons and one daughter, all younger than 10 years old.

The divorce was finalized on Aug. 1, 2013 and the official divorce papers don’t have any mention of Paredes, according to Raw Story.

Jonathan Saenz did not respond to requests for comment for this story, according to reports. Corrine Saenz’s attorney, Bryan E. Eggleston, also declined comment and said his client didn’t want to be interviewed.

Despite the efforts of groups like Texas Values, U.S. District Judge Orlando Garcia ruled earlier this year that Texas’ ban on same-sex marriage was unconstitutional. Saenz has been working with Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott to get the decision reversed.

“There is wide support for the state’s rights and for marriage to remain between one man and one woman,” Jonathan Saenz said this month. “That cuts across political lines, across faith lines and across demographic lines.”

A vibrator stuck up your butt is no way to die

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ad_142886164-e1407855460563A 50-year-old man died after he got a vibrator stuck up his anus and left it too long to seek medical attention because he was embarrassed, an inquest has been told.

Southwark Coroners’ Court heard it took Nigel Willis five days to muster the courage to get help after accidentally lodging a dildo inside himself last year.

Mr Willis, who lived in Forest Hill with his mother, was taken to Lewisham hospital in December but succumbed to his injuries in February this year despite having the vibrator removed.

The sex object had pierced his bowel, which led him to suffer septic shock.

‘The history was that his friend or carer called an ambulance because he complained of dizziness, weakness and was unable to move from the sofa for five days,’ said Dr Adebowale Adesina, who works as a consultant at the south-east London hospital.

Mr Willis, who didn’t have a job and was single, cared for his elderly mother with the help of his neighbour.