If your steampunk Iron Man costume is sadly lacking that authentic je ne sais quoi, you could always track down this Victorian-era anti-wanking device. (Note the helpful urine colander.) Yes, it was designed for teens and is shudder-inducing in every single way, but nobody said crime-fighting was a vacation.

In 2008, this copper device — which measures “3 ½ inches top to base” and was designed to prevent nocturnal emissions and other onanistic tomfoolery — went for $2,906 on eBay. (Is someone displaying it on a mantel somewhere?) From the auction description:

The rare 19th century item is made of copper and was designed to be worn by boys so they could not commit the ‘sin’. Attached to a belt it would have encased the genitalia. The bizarre antique dates back to around 1880 and was used in Catholic France.