Is This An Alien Burglar?

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Missouri cops are on the lookout for a man who burglarized a Subway restaurant while wearing a blue unitard to conceal his identity.

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The suspect broke into the sandwich shop Sunday, according to police in Nevada, a city about 90 miles south of Kansas City.

“Little information is known about the suspect due to the concealment of his identity by using a leotard suit,” noted investigators who released store surveillance photos in a bid to get the public’s help in identifying the blue burglar.

Local residents have compared the boot-wearing thief to an alien, a Smurf, a member of the Blue Man Group, and an “Avatar” cast member. In all likelihood, he is probably just a run-of-the-mill junkie.

Japanese security company claims it’s discovered a new kind of train pervert: Lady sniffers

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sc-11One of the most infamous aspects of Japanese society are chikan, the men who surreptitiously grope women on crowded trains. One Japanese security company, though, has tweeted about what it says is a new breed of chikan: men who encroach on a woman’s personal space to sniff her scent.

Secom is one of Japan’s largest home and office security firms. So dedicated is the company to people’s well-being, though, that it sends out safety tips for all sorts of different situations from its official Twitter account.

Last week, Secom tweeted the following warning to its 272,000 followers.

“【A New Type of Chikan】 This is the Secom PR Department. A new type of chikan behavior has come about. They are called scent-sniffing chikan, or close-quarters chikan. Using a crowded space as a pretext, they will not touch the woman, but move very close to her in order to smell her scent. They will not touch the woman directly, but may press the bag they are carrying against her, and if these actions make the woman feel uncomfortable, then he is a chikan. Please be cautious on crowded trains, elevators, and escalators.”

Having a stranger deliberately sniff you or unilaterally decide for you to play the role of a slice of bread in his bag sandwich both sound like the incredibly inappropriate actions of a rather disturbed individual. Secom’s warning did have many online commenters worried about being falsely accused of being a scent-sniffing chikan, though. Especially in light of Secom’s assertion that no physical contact is necessary for the label, avoiding misplaced suspicion seems like it could be problematic in the locations listed. In urban Japan, trains, elevators, and escalators are often far too crowded to leave much of a buffer space between yourself and those around you, and rush hour trains are often so packed that people are literally pressed against one another.

Given that this seems to be the first time scent-sniffing chikan have been spoken of in the media, and that the term appears to have been coined by Secom itself, some have even accused the security company of fear-mongering in an effort to drum up business. Setting aside the validity or lack thereof of such a theory, the tweet at least highlights an unexpected upside of being stuck on a train with unshowered or flatulent passengers, in that you’re that less likely to give someone the wrong impression by sighing contentedly and whispering, “Ah, what a captivating fragrance.”

Top-selling guide for picking up women in Hong Kong

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Women of Hong Kong are none too happy about a bafflingly best-selling book that purports to teach men tips and tricks for picking up and having promiscuous sex with women in the Chinese autonomous territory. Get Laid in Hong Kong (at least the title is to the point) is a “sex tourism guide” of sorts for visiting western males that the pseudonymous author says is “guaranteed to get you laid.”

The book, perhaps in a sad reflection of the state of humankind, apparently hit No. 1 for Amazon sales in the “Asian Travel” category before it was briefly taken off virtual shelves due to backlash from Hong Kong women and an ongoing change.org petition.

Get Laid in Hong Kong was apparently written by a Chinese-American author calling himself The Lone Wolf Traveler. The product description on Amazon reads a lot like The Lone Wolf Traveler is hoping to cement some kind of reputation as a pickup artist with the book, however, claiming to offer, “tips, strategies, where to find the girls, how to contact them, and even what to say and do in order for you to get laid in Hong Kong!”

We probably don’t need to remind you that this isn’t the first time that a “pickup artist” has found his game being shot down en mass by Asian women. Julien Blanc, one of a small circle of “professional” pickup artists that have managed to turn coaching their techniques into a lucrative career, was banned from giving his pickup “seminars” in multiple countries after video surfaced of him appearing to assault numerous women in Japan, in addition to making multiple disparaging and dehumanizing remarks about Japanese women in a video he himself posted to his YouTube channel.

Both Get Laid in Hong Kong and Blanc’s attitudes highlight a broader problem about the way Western males treat and view Asian women. You don’t need to look far on the Internet for instances of Western men proclaiming Asian women to be “easy,” or anecdotes of Asian women being harassed by Western men under the impression that Asian women are too meek to rebuff their advances, stories of women being attacked by a crazed assailant obsessed with Asian females, and you can even get your hands on a “memoir” of one man’s sexual adventures with Japanese women called—we kid you not—”Black Passenger, Yellow Cabs.”

Unsurprisingly, Get Laid in Hong Kong only further reinforces the stereotype, with the crux of the book revolving around the idea that just being a foreign, English-speaking male is enough to lure women in Hong Kong into bed. It further describes domestic workers from other parts of Asia as “hungry” for sex, and provides anecdotes of the author “gaming” girls working night shifts at 7-Eleven, as though the women of Hong Kong are fair game to be harassed at their workplace, in addition to out on the street.

Get Laid in Hong Kong is currently (at time of writing) on sale at Amazon.com. If the petition on Change.org has anything to do with it, however, it probably won’t be for long.

Man Discovers Body Of Best Friend Stuffed Under Back Porch Staircase

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A man in California returned home to find the body of his best friend crammed under a back porch staircase.

Joel-staircaseWhen Andrew Poni returned home Tuesday afternoon, his neighbor told him something had happened in his home, but she wasn’t sure what. Deciding to play it safe, Poni peered through the windows and immediately noticed something was wrong.

His keys were missing, as was his 100-pound pit bull. When he went inside he found that there was standing water on his kitchen floor. But that was nothing compared to what he found when he went out to the back porch.

There, crammed under the second step of the porch’s staircase, was the body of his best friend since they were kids. “Saw my best friend crunched into a ball the size of a cubic meter dude,” Ponti told reporter Nick Janes.

Grass Valley Police are calling the man’s death suspicious and have called in The Federal Bureau of Investigation to collect evidence and help process the scene. Ponti’s dog was found unharmed 10 blocks away.

“I would never ever, ever, ever ever think of hurting the person who, through the separation with the mother of my children, has helped pay my bills, make sure they have food to eat,” Ponti assured Janes.

Word Around Colorado School Of Mines Is Some Freshman Got His Dick Stuck In A Shampoo Bottle

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College gives you a clean slate. No matter what your reputation was back in high school, you now have the opportunity to reinvent yourself into a completely different person if you so desire.

One freshman at the Colorado School Of Mines apparently set out to make a name for himself, and took the campus by storm his first day of the fall semester.

Now that’s how you make a splash. Kid’s been at the school for all of five minutes and he’s already got the most notorious dick in CSM history. Try to set the bar higher. You can’t.

So many unanswered questions. Was this a power play by “Bottle Boner?” Did he want to assert dominance over his roommate by sodomizing his shampoo? Was it an all-in-one hair, body, and face wash? Is this just what gets him off, or is he a Fleshlight guy that left his fuck toy at home?

Whatever the reason behind the madness, dude just needs to own it.

“Hey, aren’t you the guy that was balls deep in some Head & Shoulders?”

“Yeah, but that’s because I like to keep the hog fresh for all the honeys.”